Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools

Welcome to the March Carnival of Natural Parenting: Natural Parenting Top 10 Lists
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared Top 10 lists on a wide variety of aspects of attachment parenting and natural living. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

The initiation into motherhood is a life-altering experience, one that you can’t really prepare for completely, but every little bit helps. Though I am bumbling through motherhood myself, some things have made my own journey that much sweeter and I would like to share them. The following are some of the choices that have made all the difference in my experience as a new mother and I thought it could benefit you moms-to-be as you embark on your own parenting journeys.

1-Research Child Development

Now I realise not everyone is as excited as me about reading into human psychology and development but one of the best ways to build your confidence as a new parent is learning all you can about normal child behaviour. Understanding an infant’s biological needs will help you make the right decisions in regards to caring for them without being confused by all the parenting advice you will undoubtedly receive from well-meaning people. It will also lay the groundwork for developing your child’s potential from birth onwards, which is always a plus. Some great books include: Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering-Sarah Buckley, Art of Conscious Parenting-Jeffrey Fine, Magic Trees of the Mind-Marian Diamond, Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child-John Gottman.

Although I followed my son’s lead in general, I still attempted to guide him into doing what I wanted in order to regain some of the freedom I had before he was born, despite knowing about his developmental needs. I remember trying to lull him to sleep for hours to place him in an infant cot so I could have some time to myself but all he wanted/needed was for me to be close to him and would protest as soon as I laid him down. He would get upset because he is biologically designed to be alarmed when separated from me. As soon as I would take him in my arms, he would quiet down and fall asleep. If I had just followed my instincts and what I learned about infant needs, I would not have wasted so much time struggling to get him to comply to my wishes. It also taught me a valuable lesson: having a baby changes everything, might as well just accept it.

2-Contact a Lactation Consultant

If you are like me and have no nursing women in your family to help you, contacting your local La Leche League and finding a lactation consultant is beneficial to establishing a healthy nursing relationship.

When I found out we were expecting I dove into researching all I could about breastfeeding. I read books, browsed forums and websites, attended LLL meetings and spoke to other breastfeeding moms about their experiences. Despite all this, I still had trouble initiating my nursing relationship with my son and needed help. Luckily for me a friend of mine who is a certified lactation educator helped me reconnect with my son after I had tried manipulating him to latch properly, all in vain. She told me to allow him follow his biological instincts and self-latch by placing him vertically on my chest and watching him breast crawl. This is the most amazing thing to witness. He would rub his cheeks over and over again over my skin, using them to zero in on my breast as he slid down my torso and took the whole thing in his mouth in one shot and fed. All that headache of trying to get him to latch properly and all I needed to do was let him do his thing. Knowing this would have saved me a lot of trouble but since I didn’t, having the right person to ask advice helped immensely. It is important that you find the right person to seek breastfeeding advice, namely someone who specializes in it, because most health practitioners do not have the expertise to help you and may even sabotage you with their ignorance.

3-Establish A Support Circle

There is nothing more daunting than becoming a mother and not having anyone to turn to when things get hairy, because they will, repeatedly. Setting up a community online and within your neighbourhood will help you connect to other moms and get feedback on issues you may want advice on. It’s also comforting to know that your problems are shared by many and can complain to a sympathetic ear. There are many great sites like Attachment Parenting International Forums that you can sign up with and connect with other moms.

Choose your mom circle wisely however. It’s important that you surround yourself with people that empower you and share similar values. You don’t want to find yourself defending your choices rather than receiving positive feedback. Just like you wouldn’t ask a plumber for advice on an electricity issue, asking someone’s advice on child-rearing when they don’t share similar values can be detrimental to the situation. A parent who practices harsh sleep-training methods like Cry-It-Out are not aware of an infant’s emotional needs and normal biological behaviour and so using their advice on night nursing for example can cause breastfeeding issues like your supply diminishing if you cease to respond to your baby’s cues like they might suggest. It is important that you establish what your parenting philosophy is so that you can effectively decide what advice to take and which to ignore.

4-Have a Babymoon

A babymoon is the period following giving birth where parents take it easy to bond with their baby and learn their cues. Protect those early moments by resting at home, forgoing visitors if you can to allow yourself the time to adjust to your new roles as parents. Keeping visitors to a minimum for the first little while will keep you from feeling overwhelmed by trying to play hostess and focus on your baby’s needs simultaneously. Even well-meaning friends/family can become overbearing when it comes to newborns and forget the mother and baby’s needs over their own excitement. It’s only natural but it’s still maddening. One way to assuage the horde is to organize a small Meet The Baby get-together after a few weeks when you’ve had the chance to establish your nursing relationship and feel more confident in your new role.

The only people I had around me for the first few weeks was my mother and my husband which allowed me the much needed time to adjust to motherhood without worrying about how I was perceived by others. The initiation into motherhood made me feel both powerful and vulnerable at the same time. I wondered if what I was doing was right and often turned to others for reassurance. Once my mother flew back home, I was left alone with my son for the first time and I really connected to him then and realised “wow, I’m a parent”. Without anyone to fall back on I was forced to find my own way with my son by following my instincts. Knowing what to do came much more naturally after that. I just needed the opportunity to find my own parenting groove. Once that was established, I was ready to show him off to everyone!

5-Ingest Your Placenta

Now before you vomit in your mouth, hear me out! It’s not as strange as it seems! In fact, it’s becoming more common as women realize the benefits obtained from taking it after birth. It contains vitamins, minerals, and hormones that help fight PPD, give you a boost of energy, and some believe even helps increase your milk supply. There are many ways to take it: in pill form, blended into smoothies, and even baked into meals. If you want to know more check out: Peaceful Parenting, Birth Activist, and Placenta Benefits Info for more information.

When I first found out about Placentophagy I was a little weirded out too but I looked into it and the idea grew on me. I wouldn’t eat it in a lasagna or anything but encapsulating it sounded okay to me. Since we had planned a homebirth we got a plastic Tupperware container ready for placing the placenta in immediately after birth but since we transferred to the hospital, we had to keep reminding the staff that we wanted to keep it and brought it home in a bio-hazard container they provided. We refrigerated it as soon as we got home and my mother began the process to encapsulating it within the first few days by first cutting it into strips and then using her food dehydrator to dry it out. Then she ground it and put it into capsules we bought at a health food store. It made about 120 capsules. Pretty simple! I took them like a vitamin twice a day until they were all gone. This helped me tremendously stave off PPD after our difficult birth and it also gave me energy and helped me heal. So don’t knock it till you try it! However if you’re squeamish like me, have someone else prepare it. Some midwives do this as a part of their services. Happy eating!

6-Babywear

Babywearing has many benefits, including the needed skin-to-skin contact to regulate a newborn’s temperature while providing the mother with the chance to be hands-free while simultaneously following an infants biological need to be held. Not only can it be used while doing things around the house like cooking, cleaning, eating, and even toileting (yes, babies will refuse to let you do this in privacy!), it can also be used to rock baby to sleep, take strolls outside to get fresh air, or even shop around in a busy mall. However it is important to learn how to safely use the carrier because like any product, misuse can cause injuries to both you and baby. One of the most common mistakes I have seen is facing the baby outward which can cause hip/back issues in infants and so it is best to avoid those, regardless of how the product is marketed. Also when buying a baby carrier, always try in-store first to see if it is comfortable. I tried one carrier that many moms I knew swore by (the Ergo) but when I tried it, it didn’t feel right because of my body type and so went with a different company (Gemini) that fitted me better.

It took us a while to get the hang of our first carrier the Sleepywrap given to us as a gift, but now I am in love with it and have since then tried out many different kinds to continue making use of this great parenting tool. What’s even greater is that I have sucked my husband into baby-wearing and he uses a buckle carrier with my son (as it is more masculine apparently since it looks like a chest rig) to give me a break which is fabulous!

7-Co-Sleep

Sharing sleeping arrangements with your baby allows you to nurse on demand without needing to wake fully and respond immediately to your baby’s cries before they become distressed. It also meets their biological need to be close to you to regulate their heartbeat and breathing, preventing SIDS. There are many ways families can co-sleep to reap the benefits depending on what works for them. Some of the other arrangements to sharing a family bed are using a crib alongside the bed like a sidecar, or simply having a cot or crib in the same room.

My son, like me, is a light sleeper and any micro movement can wake him unless he’s deeply asleep already and with my husband being prone to wriggling, I was not getting much sleep with him in our bed with us. So then we tried dragging our spare single mattress into our room and put it alongside ours and placed our son in it. Voila! A good night’s sleep! I nurse him to sleep on his bed then roll onto mine (which is slightly more elevated) to snuggle with my husband in marital bliss. We chose to forgo the crib completely to save money in the long run, since our son can transition from his single mattress attached to ours to eventually having his own room once he is ready. It saves us from having to buy a toddler bed, then an adult bed. Huzzah for frugality!

8- Include Your Partner

One of the best supports is the very person who helped create the life in your womb and/or chose to embark on the parenting journey with you (assuming you have a healthy relationship). Share the baby care with your partner like diapering, bathing, and baby-wearing to allow them to forge a bond themselves with the infant and get into their own parenting groove. It is sometimes difficult to ask for help and to allow them to figure out how to go about it in their own way (especially for a control freak like me!), but it will allow you to have a few moments to yourself from time to time, which is golden.

My husband was an immense help in sharing household responsibilities while I focused on establishing my nursing relationship with my son. Afterwards he would help me by entertaining him and caring for his needs (other than nursing of course!) while I had a break from childcare and relaxed. Sharing the workload as such allows us to have the energy at the end of the day to be intimate and focus on strengthening our relationship. Also finding little ways to be intimate with one another throughout the day also helps in staying connected to one another like cuddling on the couch during feedings, giving the baby a bath together, or even napping together. Becoming parents changes your relationship but it need not lose its passion. You just have to be creative!

9-Practice Mindful Awareness

Despite meditation sounding like something only crunchy mamas would do, understanding the basics to being mindful can help you re-focus when you are feeling overwhelmed as a new mom. It is an essential tool to remaining focused and attuned to your baby when you yourself are distressed. Practicing mindful motherhood is an approach to life, changing how you relate and respond to tough situations by noticing your reactions without being moved by them. It is essentially our perceptions of a given situation that cause us grief, rather the issue itself and by approaching it consciously; it can make all the difference in how you experience it. All it takes is for you to pay attention to your experience as it unfolds, allowing it to be just as it is, without judgement. Sounds simple enough but it takes practice.

Find the pockets of time in your daily life while nursing, napping, taking a stroll, showering, etc, to really notice the thoughts in your mind. Notice your breathing, the sensations in your body, your fleeting thoughts. Witness them without creating an opinion about them, just noticing them there. Observe your reactions to what you are noticing. Resist the temptation to rate your experience as being good or bad and simply BE. This is how you practice being in the moment. Now do this when in a situation that distresses you, like when your baby cries. Notice what emotions you feel: alarmed, concerned, perhaps even annoyed that you have to go tend to them. How do you feel like reacting initially? Do you want to evade the situation, tell them to stop crying or maybe even cry yourself? Notice without judgement. Stand outside yourself and observe the situation and yourself in it. Find your inner calm. Breathe deeply. Align yourself with your values and the kind of mother you want to be. Now notice your choices in how to respond. Things may seem much clearer now and you might feel calmer as well. When you take the time to witness without reacting on automatic, you develop a tolerance for intense situations and not allow those isolated experiences to be perceived as negative. This has helped me countless times when I felt like I was at my wits end while sleep-deprived with a needy baby. It also helped me find the humour in seemingly chaotic situations.

10-Keep A Journal/Blog

It may seem apparent, but keeping a journal and/or blog will help in reflecting about your experiences. You can preserve special memories by recording them and also notice negative behaviour patterns that need your attention. It also helps in having a record of behaviour in case your baby becomes ill or have any other issue that you need to check back to what you wrote within a certain time frame to see what could be the cause. Writing also helps you connect to others by sharing your experiences so that others may benefit from what you’ve learned on your own journey. Like this very post. See, I CAN take my own advice!

No matter what you do to prepare yourself for the responsibility of parenting, the best advice is to follow your own intuition and do what works for your family. Enjoy becoming a mother! It can be quite fulfilling if you can see the joys within the mayhem!

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:
(This list will be live and updated by afternoon March 8 with all the carnival links.)

• Attachment Parenting in the NICU — Erica at ChildOrganics shares some strategies to help you parent naturally in some unnatural circumstances.
• 10 Reasons to Choose Baby Led Weaning — Luschka from Diary of a First Child shares ten reasons to choose Baby Led Weaning when it comes to solids.
• Choosing to Breastfeed — From selfishness to self-giving, CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy lists reasons why breast is best for her and her family.
• Ten Things I Wish I Knew About Before Little Man — In this reflective post, The ArstyMama discusses ten things she wishes she knew more about before the birth of her son, Little Man.
• 10 Things That Helped Me Become a Natural Mama — The Accidental Natural Mama counts down ten things that helped her find her moderately crunchy inner mama self.
• Top 10 Reasons to Breastfeed Your Toddler — Extended breast-feeder Kate Wicker of Momopoly makes her own top 10 list for why she loves nursing her 2-year-old.
• Top 10 Tips on Authentic Grandparenting — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting offers a list of tips to make the grandparent-parent-child relationship flow smoothly.
• Top Ten "Dad" Things — Liam at In The Now talks about his favourite ways to spend time with his children.
• Top 10 Natural Strategies for Conception (aka How to Get Pregnant!) — Despite facing plenty of health issues, Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama found her way to two first-try pregnancies thanks to these natural strategies.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Home Birth Rocks — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud shares her passion for birthing at home - the natural place for natural birth.
• Top 10 reasons why cloth nappies are fun — Tat at Cloth Nappies Are Fun shows how using cloth nappies can brighten up your day.
• Top Ten Ways to Be Present With Family — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares how to make the most of parenting and family life through being present.
• Top 10 Things In My Arsenal of Kitchen Witchy Mama Tricks. — Joni Rae at Tales of A Kitchen Witch shares with us the simple things she would never want to be missing from her cupboards.
• Top 10 ways I'm not very good at natural parenting (and why I keep trying anyway) — Jenny at Babyfingers shares the ways she is imperfect as a natural parent, and why she embraces natural parenting anyway.
• Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent — So what makes us "natural parents," anyway? A lighthearted look at the Top 10 Ways to Know You Are a Natural Parent by the editors and readers of Natural Parents Network.
• The Top 10 Things Every Natural Household (with children) Should Have — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro shares a list of the most common natural products and remedies she uses for health and cleaning.
• Top 10 books for raising loving, spiritual children — In her 'food for the soul' post, Mrs Green from Little Green Blog shares her favourite spiritual books. No matter what religion you practise, there's something for everyone!
• Top 10 Things No One Told Me About Natural Parenting — Adrienne at Mommying My Way explains that the best things about natural parenting are things she never expected.
• Top 10 Flower Essences for Families — Kim of Nature Baby Bloggings lists her pick of the top ten flower essence which can help ease families through the ups and downs of life.
• My Top Ten Parenting Tools — Amyables at Toddler In Tow names the top ten tools that have been helpful to her while learning to parent respectfully and successfully.
• Ten Ways Families Can Enjoy Nature (for free!) — Spring is nearly in the air, and Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction is dreaming of the fun and frugal ways that her family is going to get out and enjoy nature this summer.
• 10 Reasons We Unschool — Patti at Jazzy Mama explains why unschooling is the right choice for her family.
• Must Read: Natural Parenting Top Ten — Amy at Anktangle wants you to do a little reading! She shares her top ten favorite books to help parents prepare for pregnancy, birth, and parenting.
• Top 10 Breastfeeding Misconceptions — Sheila at A Gift Universe examines ten reasons women give for why they didn't breastfeed as long as they wanted, and shows how these obstacles can be overcome.
• Ten Reasons to Plan a Home Birth — Since a home birth can be an incredibly empowering experience, Leslie at Lights and Letters outlines ten reasons why you should plan to have your baby at home.
• Top Ten Books for Birth, Breastfeeding and Parenting — Megan at Just Me(gan) writes about the ten books that have helped her the most in her natural parenting journey.
• A Top Ten Letter To Me... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment writes herself a letter of reflections and bits of wisdom she would have liked to know as a new mama.
• Top Ten Mama Necessities Money Can't Buy — Buying baby gear is fun, but Emily at Crunchy(ish) Mama knows real parenting must-haves can't be bought in stores (or even on Amazon).
• Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine talks about her Top 10 Books for a Natural Mum.
• Ten Great Spring Activities To Do With Preschoolers — Kellie at Our Mindful Life and her family have come up with a great list of activities to do together this spring.
• 10 Ways to Reuse Yogurt Containers — Acacia at Fingerpaint & Superheroes keeps the stacks of yogurt containers out of her recycling bin by reusing them in both practical and creative ways.
• Top Ten Ways To Have a Harmonious Home — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares her natural parenting-inspired methods for maintaining a harmonious daily life with her toddler.
• 10 Natural Baby Items I Love — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares product ideas to support your natural parenting.
• The Pandas' Top Five Crunch-osophies — Top five crunchy philosophies, as employed at the Panda Residence by Ana at Pandamoly.
• Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Son Intact — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children has shared 10 reasons why you should leave your newborn son intact.
• Ten things everyone should know about unassisted homebirth — Olivia at Write About Birth shares practical tips for women considering an unassisted homebirth and debunks some common myths
• 10 Most Popular Ways To Treat Cloth Diaper Stains — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey gives ten easy tips to make your diapers like new.
• 10 Lessons in 1 Year — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares 10 parenting lessons that she has learned throughout her first year of motherhood.
• Top 10 Ways to Get Breastfeeding Off To a Good Start — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes shares 10 effective ways to ensure breastfeeding gets off to a good start.
• Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out — If you are uncomfortable using time-outs in an attempt to control your child's behavior, try one of these gentler alternatives. Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her Top 10 Ways to Avoid a Time-Out.
• My Top 10 Parenting Scriptures — Dulce de leche is learning to integrate faith and parenting. Whether it is breastfeeding, babywearing, comforting her children, or gentle discipline, she finds that the Bible has beautiful passages to encourage her on her journey.
• Natural Cleaning Ideas - Top 10 — Laura at Laura's Blog lists the ways she keeps her house clean and clear of chemicals.
• My Top Ten (plus two) Life Altering and Growth Inspiring Books — A top ten list of books from MJ at Wander Wonder Discover that changed her life as an individual, a parent, and an earth dweller.
• Top 10 Ways to Use Natural Parenting for Children with Special Needs — Danielle at Mommy Makes Cents feeds the needs of her family and special needs child through the use of Natural Parenting.
• Ten Fundamentals — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante gets philosophical with a list of the fundamentals that drive her natural parenting.
• 10 reasons why I chose breast over bottles — Becky at Old New Legacy writes a quick list of why she chose breast over bottles.
• Top Ten Natural Tools for the Work of Play — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree offers insight into 10 natural toys that will span the early years (and save you money).
• 10 differences between pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry gives her impressions about differences in pregnancy and parenting in Japan and the US.
• Natural Parenting Benny & Bex Style — Pecky at Benny and Bex explains why Natural Parenting principles work best for her boys.
• Top 10 Reasons to Co-Sleep — 10 practical, emotional, and completely selfish reasons to co-sleep and share a family bed from Lily, aka Witch Mom.
• My Top Ten New Mommy Moments — Melissa at The New Mommy Files recounts the ten most memorable moments of her daughter's first year.
• Top Ten Things Every Breastfeeding Mother Needs to Know — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood believes knowledge is power and wants all moms to be well informed.
• Top 10 Nursing Positions / Situations — Momma Jorje uses her 5½ years of nursing experience to share her Top 10 Nursing Positions/Situations. She includes some adorable photos of her youngest daughter at the breast.
• Ten Top Ways to Connect Kids with Nature — Terri from Child at the Nature Isle offers 10 ways to immerse ourselves in the natural world and develop a love affair with the Earth.
• Top 10 Slacker Ways to Natural Parent — Guavalicious is happy to show you how to parent naturally the slacker way.
• Simply what it looks like — Andrea!!! from Ella-Bean & Co. offers a glimpse into natural parenting through the eyes of mama and babe.
• Top Ten Reasons Why Natural Parenting Dads Are So Attractive — Nada at miniMOMist sure digs her husband, but it's not just his good looks -- it's his parenting!
• 10 Family Systems and Routines That Work for Us — See what routines, organizational systems, and parenting approaches work for Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings to help avoid conflict and maintain sanity in a family with three young children.
• Top 10 reasons to choose midwifery care — Lauren at Hobo Mama lists the features that drew her to midwives' care for pregnancy and birth.
• 10 Ways to Cloth Diaper on a Budget — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shares her best thrifty cloth diapering tips.
• Ten Reasons it Felt Sew Good To Make My Own Play Food — Brittany at Mama's Felt Cafe lists her 10 (OK, 11) favorite reasons to grab a needle and start sewing your own felt play toys.
• Top10 Ways to Spark Interest, Learn, and Have Fun With Everyday Tasks! — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon gives you her top 10 ways of incorporating fun and lessons into everyday tasks and chores.
• Postpartum Gift Ideas — Alicia at I Found My Feet suggests a top 10 list of gifts for mother's after giving birth.
• My Top Ten Shows Worthy Of Screen Time — Tree at Mom Grooves shares her top ten list of shows that she believes are positive, educational, kind, joyful, and a nice way to share some downtime with your children.
• The Top 10 Ways to Succeed as an Working Attachment Parent — That Mama Gretchen shares tried and true ways to succeed with attachment parenting even when working away from home during the day.
• Top Ten Books for Natural Parenting — Pregnancy, herbs, cooking, and healthcare the ten books Asha at Meta Mom the most.
• Preparing for a Hospital VBAC: My Top 10 — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis shares 10 ways she's preparing for her upcoming hospital VBAC.
• Top Ten New Mom Survival Tools — Wolfmother shares her most beloved motherhood survival tools at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Top 10 Montessori Principles for Natural Learning — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now gives her top 10 list of Montessori principles parents can use to encourage their children s natural learning.
• Going Granola — Tashmica from The Mother Flippin' Blog describes the 10 ways that natural parenting sneaked up on her. She never expected to go all granola on the world.
• Step Away From the Amazon List — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine wishes she hadn't bought so much useless stuff.