I Wonder - Guest Post by Hybrid Rasta Mama

**Today I am honored to introduce a fabulous guest post by Hybrid Rasta Mama, one of my favorite writers in the conscious parenting blogosphere! Be sure to check out her blog and show her some love!**

I Wonder

Asking questions is synonymous with childhood. Although each individual child’s level of inquisitiveness will vary, you can bet that around the age of three the word “why” will enter your child’s vocabulary in a big way.
Fortunately, my daughter is six months away from the “why” milestone. However, I have many friends who are in the throes of the endless barrage of questions and I have observed two commonalities amongst these parents.

1. They tend to feel obligated to provide a logical response to most every question asked;

2. When the “question diarrhea” becomes overwhelming, annoying, or inconvenient, said parents resort to responses like “because,” “that’s just the way it is,” “ask your father” and “I don’t know.”

I would like to offer some food for thought when it comes to addressing children’s questions. First, children’s inquiring minds should be encouraged and not looked on as an annoyance. When they enter the age of questioning the world, it is a beautiful developmental milestone and parents need to embrace it. Children are born with a sense of wonder and our jobs as parents is to open the portal and allow that wonder to flow free. So how can we do this?

A child asks, “Mama, why does the sun go away at night?” Instead of saying “So the moon can come out” or launching into a diatribe about the daily solar and lunar cycles, it is better to simply say, “I wonder….”

By responding to your child with these two simple words you are allowing him or her to engage their imagination, their curiosity, and their creativity. You are allowing them to open their minds to both the plausible and the fantasy. Most children will pause momentarily after being told “I wonder” and will take a breath or two before expressing their newly formed thoughts on whatever question was burning in their minds. You might get a response such as “the sun must go away because it was crowded out by the stars dancing across the sky” or something more matter of fact like “the sun needs sleep too.” Whatever the response, you as a parent are allowing your child the opportunity to draw a conclusion without our adult logic and wisdom getting in the way. You are setting their awe and wonder free.

Yes, there are times when a question warrants a direct response. By all means, if your child asks where the bathroom is in a strange situation, do not reply with “hmmmm, I wonder.” In addition, certain situations may require a basic response to aid the child in understanding a situation at hand. For example, if a child sees a homeless person and appears scared of that person’s appearance, it is certainly beneficial for the parent to respond to a question from the child about why the homeless person looks a certain way or is acting a certain way. Keep it simple and age appropriate. No need to orate on the economic woes that have befallen so many. Use your response as an opportunity to show your child empathy.

Something I often hear parents ask after a child asks them a question is “what do you think?” Although not detrimental to a child’s inquiring mind, asking a child to “think” as opposed to encouraging them to “wonder” is not nearly as beneficial to them. Children have the entire rest of their lives to “think.” The awe, wonder, inspiration, and joy of childhood is fleeting and children are much better served by parents who cultivate their natural curiosity with all that life offers.

What about the child whose curiosity is never satiated by a parent who responds with “I wonder?” Yes, there are children who will continue to ask questions despite a parent’s attempt at getting them to draw their own creative conclusions. In this situation, it would be appropriate (and would probably provide some sanity for the parent) to encourage a sense of wonder by responding as follows:

Child: “Why are the ants all walking in a line?”

Mother: “Hmmmm, I wonder.”

Child: “I wonder too. Why are the ants all walking in a line?”

Mother: “Hmmmm….”

Child: “But mama, WHY are the ants doing that?”

Mother: “I wonder if the ants are marching in a line so no one gets lost.” OR “I wonder if the ants are marching in a line because they are having a parade.”

Child: “Why would the ants get lost?”

Mother: “I wonder that myself.”

Child: “Why would they get lost? Don’t they know the way?”

Mother: “I wonder if ants have maps like we do to find their way.”

Certainly, there comes a point where you need to cut off a conversation and just allow a child to dwell on the conversation and get lost in their thoughts. It is appropriate to tell your child that he or she may do something else. When I worked in a preschool and was chasing my tail with the one child who just did not respond to any encouragement towards wonder, I would say something like “my mind is tired from wondering. I would like it if you could tell me about your favorite shirt. Perhaps we could go put away the blocks.” We all have our limits!

Next time your child asks you a question, I have you take pause and allow them to wonder. The responses will undoubtedly be rich, entertaining, and awe-inspiring. It might just get your adult mind to see things in a whole new light.

Blessings,

Jennifer

About Hybrid Rasta Mama
Jennifer, author of Hybrid Rasta Mama, lives in the Sacramento, CA area with her husband and can be found blogging about breastfeeding (especially extended breastfeeding), bed-sharing, co-sleeping, attachment parenting, cloth diapering, green living, babywearing, peaceful parenting, a Waldorf approach to education and parenting, playful parenting, getting children outside, as well as cooking and eating Real/Traditional Foods. A life-long lover of reggae music, Jennifer takes a little of this and a little of that and blends it all together into something that works for her family.

You can find Jennifer/Hybrid Rasta Mama at her BLOG, FB PAGE, TWITTER FEED, or PINTEREST!