Finding Personal Time

In response to Hybrid Rasta Mama’s Mindful Mothering Challenge #5, I will share some of the ways that I get some ‘me’ time while being a devoted mum.

When Leo was only a couple months old, I didn’t really get much ‘me’ time since he would get upset if I wasn’t nearby, or even if he wasn’t held by me. He had a healthy attachment to me and this meant that I needed to be conscious of the anxiety it generated when we were separated. Every little while I tried to go out for an hour to the movies or whatnot but always within twenty minute of me leaving he would freak out and panic. I would always return promptly because his emotional needs were more important to me than any outing. And so I’ve had to find creative ways to recharge my batteries without being away from him.

My most used tool is babywearing. When Leo goes down for his naps in the morning and afternoon it is while being snuggled in my sleepywrap. I usually bounce on an exercise ball in front of the pc while listening to soothing music with the curtains drawn and do my internet business then. I take this time to check emails, FB, and blog, etc. If I try to use the pc any other time, Leo will insist on playing with the keyboard.

When I am breastfeeding in bed, usually when nursing Leo to sleep at night, I usually take a book with me to catch up on some reading. I have trouble doing so during the day because Leo likes to eat paper and enjoys turning pages in my books so reading when he is awake is difficult. I used to be able to read a novel in about two days, now I’m lucky if I finish it within a week. There are so many books I want to just power through but it is not going to happen.

I’ve been lucky for the last few months that my hubby took parental leave and has been a great help in playing with Leo so that I can have a bath or do some scrapbooking without being interrupted by a curious baby. I have to come and check up on Leo every once in a while to say hi otherwise he just crawls through the house looking for me.

In the last few months I have been able to put Leo down some times to nap without me, freeing me up to take care of housework and the like without a baby underfoot which has been great. Leo doesn’t let me do dishes if we’re in the kitchen together, since he wants to watch me which makes getting anything done very difficult. I don’t always want to carry him in a woven wrap on my back all the time either since he’s pretty heavy. Those times that I manage to sneak away are great.

To get my social meter filled back up I attend many parent-child outings in my community. I go to La Leche League meetings, attend info sessions at the Association for Safe Alternatives in Childbirth, go to playgroups at the Military Family Resource Center, as well as visit friends and go to special events in the city while babywearing. I also take regular walks around my neighbourhood and go shopping. I only attend events or places that allow me to bring Leo however. We are symbiotic, a dynamic duo, and as such have to be taken as a package deal. I am willing to patiently wait until he is emotionally ready to be without mum for a bit and he certainly isn’t right now. Besides, going anywhere without him feels strange and makes me anxious. Not exactly a great way to relax.

Since becoming a mother the way I perceive ‘me’ time has changed drastically. Before it would mean shopping for new clothing, going clubbing, seeing a concert, or reading self-help books. Now it could mean catching a nap instead of cleaning, taking the time to cook a healthy meal for us, and taking my family out to the park. My ‘me’ time has really become ‘our’ time and I’m okay with that too.

Sunday Surf - April 24

Check out some great reads this week!

Crunch+Love: Just How Attached I Am
"By allowing my children to stay attached to me into their childhood, I'm not producing children that will be unsure of themselves or kids that will be brats.  Instead, through that connection, I'm ensuring that my children know that there will never be a time that I will not consider their needs."

CafeMom: Stop Thinking Your Toddler Needs Special Food  
‎"The easiest thing to do is to stop thinking "Kid food." There is no such thing! There is just healthy and unhealthy food. Parents totally shape what their children like, by having preconceived notions about what a child will and won't eat."

574foreverill: The Power of Choice
"I had created this creature, this perfect little being. I went through so much to have him and it could not have been more rewarding. I went to the moon. I went to the stars. I felt strong. I felt like I had all the power of the earth in my arms. If I could do that I could do anything."

DailyMomtra: My Daily ‘Momtras’ 
"I don’t care who you are, or what your kid eats- poop is gross. Even that non-horrible smelling breast milk poop. ( <– Weirdest observation ever.) Having a baby with a poop explosion can make you want to vomit multiple times while bawling your eyes out. "

Boys and Bullies: Changing The Culture of “Manly”
"I don’t care who you are, or what your kid eats- poop is gross. Even that non-horrible smelling breast milk poop. ( <– Weirdest observation ever.) Having a baby with a poop explosion can make you want to vomit multiple times while bawling your eyes out. "

Connected Mom: It Is Not My Penis
"If when my son gets older and understands what circumcision is and decides he wants it done, I will pay for it.  It isn't my body to make the decision for.  I will support him whatever he decides, but I will help him with information so he can make an informed decision for his own body, just as I made an informed decision now, before he was born."

I Breastfeed My Toddler. Got A Problem With It?
"studies show that children who self-wean have learned that their needs are important, their development does not proceed according to anyone else’s timetable, and they are confident that love is abundant. These children typically show early healthy dependence that flourishes into healthy independence when the time is right."

Bring Birth Home: Is Your Birth Partner Supportive?
"Like so many women that have deep fears about birth, these husbands hold that belief that the hospital is the safest, and perhaps only, place a woman should give birth.I think it’s natural for husbands to be protective. It’s just unfortunate when our protective nature gets in the way, thus undermining the very protection we’re trying to provide.In a society that has overly medicalized birth, it’s no wonder expectant fathers have fears about birth."

Our Diapering Doozy & Re-Learning to EC

In my attempt to become a crunchy granola mama, I decided to forgo diapers altogether once my son was born and instead hop on the Elimination Communication train. However due to some birthing complications I was unable to focus on my son’s elimination needs and instead focused on healing from that event which meant that I relied heavily on disposables for the first few months. I intended to switch to cloth diapering as quickly as possible to forgo using the paper variety altogether but even that plan was a fail and I shall now share with you my diapering woes.

I really wanted to go diaper-free. I really did. I read countless accounts of other women doing it, even purchasing a book on the subject and blabbing to everyone exactly how and why I wanted to do this. By all reasoning, it sounded like a good idea at the time. I even managed to convince my husband to play along with me. We were enthusiastic and prepared for this challenge but it really was not to be. I didn’t end up having the gentle homebirth I desired and this fouled up more than one issue but I truly believed that we would get back on this EC train as soon as I was able. But then life happened and I got distracted.

After a couple months of disposables, I really started feeling the self-imposed mama-guilt creeping up on me and decided to at least switch to cloth diapers so that it would make the transition to diaper-free easier. I purchases some pre-folds and diaper covers and tried to get my son to wear them but that was a fail. Since I was not used to tying them, it took a while every diaper change for me to fasten them on him properly and he wasn’t too impressed with this. Especially since he peed every 15-20 minutes and refused to sit in a wet diaper (which is understandable, really). After one day of spending almost the entire time trying to change a fussy baby, I gave up and whipped out the disposables again. Everyone was much happier after this. I suppose I could have kept practicing but I was fed up and I am not renowned for my patience.

Fast forward a couple more months, my friend sells me some adorable Kawaii cloth diapers that have fabulous animal prints on them and are super fuzzy, and I fall in love with cloth diapering again. Extra bonus: my son loved them. He also looked like some jungle deity in them and went photo crazy. I only had ten of them however so I needed to wash the batch of them every day, which meant a total cost of 28$ a week due to what our apartment building charges for the laundry. This was not exactly affordable for us, since disposables only cost us about 45$/month (thank you Costco!). Add to this that because they are so bunchy, my son didn’t fit in most of his clothes because he is already taller than most babies his age and was already stretching the fabric as it is. He was also not fitting into his car seat with them either so we had to switch to disposables when we went out anyways (later switching to a convertible seat fixed this problem though). I didn’t want to impose on my friend with haunting her house at least twice a week to do laundry with her machines even if I purchased more diapers to last a few days, so I reverted back to disposables. You understand my discouragement then?

I have a love/hate relationship with his diapers right now. I love how convenient, light and form fitting they are, and how I can just toss out poopy diapers without needing to tend to them. However I dislike that they are not bio-degradable, smell all chemically, and desensitise my son to his elimination cues. I have noticed the slow decent into apathy when it comes to his elimination cues as time wore on, despite my changing him at every pee/poo that I noticed him doing. At first he would cry when he relived himself, signalling me for a change. Then he would only shudder when peeing and make scrunchy faces and grunting when having a bowel movement. Now, he hardly reacts to a pee, and sometimes even forgoes reacting to pooing unless it’s a doozy and needs to concentrate more. The icing on the cake is how now, even when having some naked bum time, he will pee on himself or others and not even notice. What the hell? WHO PEES ON THEMSELVES AND DOESN”T NOTICE? Babies who have become desensitized to their own body’s cues, that’s who.

Unlike popular belief, babies are born with the ability to learn to relieve themselves in a receptacle, much like adults do. With consistent care they can develop the muscles to retain their bladders even at night and not relieve themselves until a verbal cue is given. I HAVE SEEN THIS. It is a cultural tradition to essentially teach our children to ignore their body’s signals only to be re-trained later. It is learned apathy. I have noticed myself my son being more aware of his needs at birth than he is now at ten months because of the use of diapers. Especially with disposables since they wick away moisture, deadening the uncomfortable sensation that signals something has happened. Because of this, some parents even forgo changing their children immediately after their babies’ relieve themselves, allowing them to sit in their soiled diapers until it is more convenient for them to change them. In no other instance than in infancy is it socially acceptable to shit yourself and sit in it blissfully unaware. It is pretty messed up when you think about it.

Which is why I am re-enforcing my efforts to re-teach my son about his body’s needs. It isn’t going to be easy since I’ve essentially taught him to forget his cues and just pee willy-nilly, but it is worth it. Here is my plan:

· Now that it is getting warmer, I will be doing much more naked bum time. Even if it means cleaning up little puddles everywhere until he notices he’s the one creating them.

· I am going to attempt to catch his morning poos in a receptacle to start with. I purchased a baby bjorn potty that so far Leo does not even like to sit on WITH a diaper but I think it’s because it’s cold so I need to figure out a way to combat that. I will try holding him over the toilet or a bowl or something until then.

· I will purchase more cloth diapers that we like so that I can afford to use them by not doing laundry every day. I might even try and convince my friend to allow me to clean her home during my laundry days as an exchange to assuage my pride (hint hint).

· I’ve been using verbal cues since my son was born to help him associate relieving himself with them and will continue to use them (as often as I notice him doing so anyways). While urinating I say: “fait pipi!” and while defecating I say: “fait caca!”. He looks like he concentrates more when I say them so perhaps it does something, otherwise I just look like an idiot telling my baby to pee and poo.

Eventually I would like to move to catching all his pees and poos, and only using cloth diapers at night. Then I want to eliminate diapers at night and catch them then too. THEN I want to stop using diapers when we go out too. OH THE AMBITION! All this depends on how my son can re-learn to notice his cues. It seems to me that potty training is more difficult as they get older rather than starting from the beginning. It’s almost like delaying the inevitable with added learned indifference. I’m still kicking myself over this obviously. I’m in for an interesting ride. Wish me luck!

Our Child-Led Feeding Philosophy

Like many moms-to-be I dove into researching everything about child-rearing before and during my pregnancy (and even continue to do so today!) and one of the most important topics that concerned me was infant nutrition. I knew for a long while that I would certainly focus on breastfeeding but it wasn’t until I started looking into the transition into feeding solid foods that I really came across the concept of child-led feeding. This concept would even change the way my nursing relationship would play out, and for the better. Essentially child-led feeding is the idea that parents follow their children’s cues for the timing of feedings, the quantity, and even the composition. By observing their behaviour and responding to their needs you help them to learn to follow their body’s hunger signals and thus develop healthy eating habits.

In regards to breastfeeding, it meant that I fed my son on demand even throughout the night without imposing any arbitrary schedules on him based on cultural norms. I fed him when he exhibited any desire to suckle which usually entailed sucking on his fist, making smacking noises with his lips, and nuzzling me. I ensured that I allowed him to comfort nurse especially to increase my milk supply to keep up with the demand and I was rewarded with a healthy baby that gained one pound per week since birth. This was with a baby who tended to spit up a lot and had a latch issue for the first month as well. My motto at the time was: If in doubt, nurse! Since I understood the mechanics of breastfeeding, knowing that I would make as much milk as he needed, I never felt the need to measure his intake because I trusted my body to do what it was designed to do. Eventually we became pros at it and we exclusively breastfed for almost 8 months, steadily growing in weight throughout.

The child-led feeding philosophy extended to our introduction to solids as well, which began with my son taking notice of what we ate and trying to grab snippets of it during meals. The first food he’s tasted was an apple that I had been eating that he suckled on as if he was nursing. He began being interested in sucking on various things the same way until he switched it up a bit by taking spoonfuls on yogurt or oatmeal in the morning. Now at ten months, he eats pretty much everything in varying quantities. His favourite foods are salmon, eggs, peanut butter, yogurt, oatmeal, rice, and pears. He only eats as much as he wants, and I rarely bother to keep track of the quantity knowing that he will continue eating as long as he is hungry. Being able to breastfeed to top him up is immensely gratifying as well. I am not concerned with him taking in a certain amount of solids or a particular variety because my milk is providing him with all the nutrition his body needs for his first year of life. Solids at this point are just for exploration and learning. That is why we are not stingy on offering different kinds of foods with varying textures and tastes. We are not afraid of giving him foods that are heavily spiced either such as curry dishes, which he loves, because he is used to strong tastes from my diet that he gets through my breastmilk anyways.

Of course we keep an eye on any allergic reactions, but we have encountered none so far. Based on what I have come across in my studies, there is a window of opportunity to prevent food allergies and that is between 6 months and a year of age. Introducing solids before 6 months has been linked to an increase in allergies and asthma, and delaying introducing certain foods till after a year such as eggs, wheat, and peanut butter have been led to perhaps causing it as well. We naturally adhered to those recommendations by following my son’s normal feeding inclinations, not starting solids till he was ready at about 7 and a half months and sharing all our foods with him after that (except highly processed foods). This has also pushed us to eat healthier, avoiding pre-packaged foods and relying mostly on fresh ingredients because our son will be eating them as well.

When my doctor expressed concern over his iron intake at some point because I insisted on following my son’s lead and exclusively breastfeeding him, he mentioned that one of the common beliefs are that breastfed babies have inadequate iron stores. I then decided to try and give my son baby cereals and the like after he began taking interest in foods because it would do no harm really, however he never liked them and I didn’t force it upon him. I have read conflicting information about this long held belief, along with a woman I met at a La Leche League meeting who shared how she exclusively breastfed her child for 11 months and then had her iron levels checked and they were normal, thus disputing that very fear. I believe that there is a reason why breastfed babies may have lower levels of certain vitamins and minerals, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It is the biological normal way of feeding our young after all. The proof lies in anecdotal evidence: our healthy babies.

Observing his eating habits has shown me that babies are far more capable than we perhaps realise. My son has been eating not just puree-type foods like yogurt or cereals, but also steamed veggies, cooked meats and pastas, solid fruits and various types of crackers. We don’t even cut up everything into bite-size pieces, as he breaks off and chews what he wants. There are times that he gags if he shoves an entire cracker into his mouth but his well-developed gag reflex takes care of that in no time and he learns to not do that again. The key is supervision and a developing a healthy sense of trust. Trust in our babies’ abilities to tell us what they need and allowing them to show us exactly what they are capable of.

My son is thriving with the way we feed him because he has a variety of foods along with his species-specific milk. Our choice to follow his cues for his nutritional needs has only proven to be a great way to teach our son about respecting his growing body and showing him that we also respect him as a person too, capable of making healthy choices if given the chance.

Natural Parenting Blog Party

How many children do you have, and how old are they?

I have one son named Leonidas, born June 20^th 2010, so as it is he is almost10 months old.

Do you have a partner, or are you a single parent?

I am married to a wonderfully supportive husband that helps keep me sane on this parenting journey.

What are your “hot button” parenting issues?

I have many issues that I am passionate about the ones that ignite me particularly are: breastfeeding, circumcision, baby-wearing, corporal punishment, and infant sleep.

Have you made any parenting choices that you didn’t think you would make before you were a parent, i.e. cloth diapering a child when you had previously thought it was disgusting?

Oddly enough I planned on cloth diapering but I mainly use disposables right now since my apartment building charges an arm and a leg for using the washing machines. I am still disgruntled about that.

Is there one book or person in particular that’s heavily influenced your parenting choices?

I would have to say Rudolph Steiner, since it was by coming across Waldorf education during my Early Childhood Education college program that changed the way I perceive children.

If you had to describe each of your children using only one word, what word would you use?

Alert. Since he was born, Leo has been a keen observer of his environment with bright eyes.

Is there one parenting decision that you regret more than others and wish you could change?

Transferring to the hospital during my homebirth after a long labour. I believe now that if I had just followed my instincts to birth in private, following my body’s cues, I would have evaded all the complications our hospital birth caused.

Is there an area of your parenting you wish you were better at?

Patience. Patience at night especially. I have such issues remaining calm when my son needs me at night to soothe him, often resenting him for it. I like my sleep.

Now for the fun questions – is there one particular food or type of food that you could eat every day?

Poutine. I can eat this everyday and never get sick of it. It is SO GOOD.

Vanilla ice cream or chocolate?

Vanilla, because more things can be added to it to make it delicious, like maple syrup.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Getting tattoos. I am addicted to ink injections. If it weren’t so expensive, I would get some every month.

If you could be part of any television show, which show would it be?

Trading Spaces, because I love home decorating.

Send me your Blog Party link in my comments so I can get to know you better too!

Sunday Surf - April 16

This week for Sunday Surf I have posted my favorite blog entries for the Twelfth Carnival of Feminist . Parenting. Check them out!

The hypocrite in the room: Views on female sexuality
What is it about female beauty standards that we are so horrified when children copy them? Is it because we fear they will ‘grow up too soon’, or because we know that those beauty standards are harmful by nature, no matter one’s age?

When fighting rape culture means changing birth culture
"The pathologising of women’s pregnant and birthing bodies and the erasing of their bodily autonomy in a medical setting should be of concern to all feminists, not just those of us who want to have or have had children. Reproductive freedom extends beyond abortion rights — and fighting for it is fighting against sexual assault."

Another Doula Ban, Another Bad Birth Plan
"Because of concerns for increased risk to you or your baby, the doctors at KGA have made a thoughtful, unanimous decision not to allow doulas to participate in the birthing process. It has been our experience that they may serve to create a state of confusion and tension in the delivery room, which may compromise our ability to provide the safest delivery situation possible for you and your baby."

Is stay at home motherhood a class issue?
Middle class mummies get mocked for our pushiness and ponciness but we usually get the benefit of the doubt from authority figures, be it health visitors, teachers - or the media. Poorer mothers are negatively stereotyped from the start.

Fragments of Evolving Manhood: Do You Like Your Body 4 (More on the Expendability of the Foreskin)
"There is no way to predict what effect his circumcision will have on him, but that is not the question we ought to be asking ourselves. Rather, we ought to be asking why we as a culture so despise the body with which he was born that we need so radically and so painfully to alter it, and then we need to be asking if that is the kind of society we really want to be."

Got Milk? Part Two: A Dad’s View on Breastfeeding
"When I first met my wife, her boobs were mine. She wore special bras to make them look a certain way…….for me. She would wear lacy things on them to make them a sultry sight……..for me. When she took them out she was taking them out……for me.Then came the children.At that time both of our roles changed, as well they should."

Society is creepy (not breastfeeding)
"Breastfeeding may not be for everyone. But breastfeeding is not creepy. Our society is creepy for thinking that breastfeeding is creepy."

normalizing breastfeeding through solidarity…
"While the US pretends to be a progressive and educated society, we come up lacking when it comes to the basic needs of our young. This is clearly evident when the topic of breastfeeding comes up."

Where's Mom?
"Bad kids on planes: Where's mom?" asks CNN. As if we don't know. Mom is standing before the firing squad, their magazines loaded with blame and recriminations, awaiting her inevitable fate to the distant sound of gnashing teeth.Dad, on the other hand, is nowhere to be found. As usual."

Feminism Beyond the Veil
I can’t fault people for what they don’t know, but what I can do is push people to expand their thinking about pregnancy and birth. My message is one that is addressed to feminists and non-feminists alike: birth matters, women matter, families matter.

Cyberbullying not just for kids: moms get bullied too
A woman can never, never, never win. If she devotes herself entirely to her kids, she has no identity. If she tries to have a career at any point when her child also needs her, she's selfish. If her husband leaves her for someone prettier and younger, it's her fault for "letting herself go." If she takes time away from her family to exercise or go to school, she's cold. If she doesn't, she's lazy and eats bon bons all day.We. Can't. Win.

My classes must be over because this post is damn long.
I have relationships that don't have much to do with my kid, of course, but increasingly few. It seems to be the case that once you have a kid, and once you start a new portion of life with that kid, you really don't make the friends you used to in a way that doesn't involve the kid.

Yes, I am a feminist housewife
"I hate the word housewife. I hate the word homemaker. These words are so loaded with patriarchal bullshit that I can barely utter them in any seriousness, much less use them to describe myself or what I do. "

Why My Daughter Doesn’t Watch Disney Movies
Almost across the board, the Disney movies (at least those with people in them—I admit that I’ve seen very few of their animal-based animated films) hold up marriage, usually to someone completely inappropriate, as the holy grail. I remind you that these are films being marketed to children, and that the overwhelming message in the end is this: Be pretty and kind and good, and maybe someone who is wealthy and powerful will want you for his bride.

Why I Open My Big Mouth

Welcome to the April Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they advocate for healthy, gentle parenting choices compassionately. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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Being rather brazen about my opinions, advocating compassionately is an ongoing learning challenge. I am passionate about children’s rights and this sometimes makes me aggressive when it comes to sharing my wonderful wealth of knowledge with others. I myself find it challenging learning to be different with my son because I was raised in a traditional parent-child relationship that involved rewards/punishments and other methods of behavioural control but I am trying to learn to parent consciously. It is difficult but immensely rewarding because I find myself bringing to light some of my own unresolved issues and healing them by making the effort with my son. I then feel the desire to share my insights with others so that they themselves can grow spiritually too and become healthier emotionally.

I am still working on trying to understand what brought each person to act the way they do first but sometimes it is fairly obvious that little thought was put into their parenting choices. I almost take offense when someone defends a harmful practice because I think the lack of research done on their part is an insult to the needs of their children. Especially since information is readily available through the internet these days. I consistently abuse this resource myself. I think that this mama-bear aggression stems from my desire to protect all children from being mistreated. All too often I have witnessed well-meaning parents treat their children like prisoners of war because of a blatant lack of understanding about healthy psychological development or having unresolved personal issues themselves. And because a person’s early experiences shape the way they perceive themselves and how they will relate to others for the rest of their lives, I find it crucial that parents take the time to learn about healthy ways to interact with their children.

When I come across a new piece of information that makes sense, even if it is difficult for me to accept and might make me feel guilty for past choices, I embrace it and apply it to my life from then on. I suppose that I tend to assume other parents would do the same but not everyone is even aware of the underlying motivations for their choices. Some people genuinely think that allowing their infant to cry themselves to sleep or their child to be spanked in order to train them into behaving a certain way is helping them rather than breaking them and this makes me sad. They are not malevolent for the most part but simply misinformed and many times, also overwhelmed and unable to regulate their own feelings. It is difficult to draw attention to a person’s mistakes when they genuinely do not understand how their behaviour impacts others and I often feel uncomfortable when I point something out and then they feel like bad parents. I greatly dislike that feeling. Unlike what some might believe, I don’t enjoy pointing out people’s flaws because I have my own fair share and I genuinely empathize with other’s feelings. Which is why advocating compassionately is essential, but oh so difficult!

At times I’ve felt like I was being overly judgmental about other people’s parenting choices and thought I should just keep my opinions to myself but then I came across this quote:

"I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented," ~Elie Wiesel

And then I stopped feeling sorry for myself and gave myself a pat on the back instead. Sometimes things just need to be said in order for change to occur and I can accept the role of instigator if it means someone can benefit from it. However the manner in which it is presented will often dictate whether it is embraced or rejected-- something I have learned the hard way. No one likes to be told that what they are doing might be harming the very children they are trying to protect. That’s why I’ve been working at only offering advice if asked for the most part, except if I’m on a particular rant; in which case anyone near is fair game. Which is why I like Facebook and blogging: people who choose to read my posts do so at their own peril. I will not take responsibility for those who feel offended by what I write. You have been thus warned!

The need to control is prevalent in so many parenting styles and I honestly believe that this belief needs to change. Children need our respect and understanding, and especially our willingness to accept our mistakes and learn from them. They need us to let go of our need to control them and learn to work WITH them. That is why at every opportunity I try and share information with those around me either through books, articles, websites and through personal insights like through my blog.

Parenting children is more than difficult, it is often overwhelming and aggravating but also immensely rewarding. I have been positively influenced by so many other families out there, many found via the wonderful blogosphere, but also within my community and I would like to pass on that knowledge to others as well. And so I will do my part by offering resources to those who are willing to keep bettering themselves while trying my best to follow my own advice to set a good example. Like I have mentioned before, conscious parenting is a learning process and I think everyone could use a little help from time to time! Myself included. That's why it's sometimes important to open our big mouths about what we believe in.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Natural Parenting Advocacy by Example — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction uses her blog, Twitter and Facebook as her natural parenting soapbox.
• You Catch More Flies With Honey — When it comes to natural parenting advice, Kate of The Guavalicious Life believes you catch more flies with honey.
• From the Heart — Patti at Jazzy Mama searches her heart for an appropriate response when she learns that someone she respects wants his baby to cry-it-out.
• I Offer the Truth — Amy at Innate Wholeness shares the hard truths to inspire parents in making changes and fully appreciating the parenting experience.
• Advocating or Just Opinionated? — Momma Jorje discusses how to draw the line between advocating compassionately and being just plain opinionated. It can be quite a fine line.
• Compassionate Advocacy — Mamapoekie of Authentic Parenting writes about how to discuss topics you are passionate about with people who don't share your views.
• Heiny Helpers: Sharing Cloth Love — Heiny Helpers is guest posting on Natural Parents Network to share how they are providing cloth diapers and cloth diapering support to low income families.
• Struggling with Advocacy — April of McApril still struggles to determine how strongly she should advocate for her causes, but still loves to show her love for her parenting choices to those who would like to listen.
• Compassionate Advocacy Through Blogging (AKA –Why I Blog) — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama shares how both blogging and day-to-day life give her opportunities to compassionately advocate for natural parenting practices.
• A Letter to *Those* Parents — Zoie at TouchstoneZ shares how to write an informed yet respectful reply to those parents — you know, the ones who don't parent the way you do.
• Why I Am Not A Homebirth Advocate — Olivia at Write About Birth is coming out: she is a homebirth mom, but not a homebirth advocate. One size does not fit all – but choice is something we can all advocate for!
• Why I Open My Big Mouth — Wolfmother from Fabulous Mama Chronicles reflects on why she is passionate about sharing parenting resources.
• Watching and Wearing — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life advocates the joys of babywearing simply by living life in a small college town.
• Compassionate Advocacy . . . That's The Way I Do It — Amyables at Toddler in Tow describes how she's learned to forsake judgment and channel her social energy to spread the "good news" of natural parenting through interaction and shared experiences.
• Compelling without repelling — Lauren at Hobo Mama cringes when she thinks of the obnoxious way she used to berate people into seeing her point of view.
• I Am the Change — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro describes a recent awakening where she realized exactly how to advocate for natural parenting.
• Public Displays of Compassion — The Accidental Natural Mama recounts an emotional trip to the grocery store and the importance of staying calm and compassionate in the storm of toddler emotions.
• I will not hide behind my persona — Suzi Leigh at Attached at the Boob discusses the benefits of being honest and compassionate on the internet.
• Choosing My Words — Jenny at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom shares why she started her blog and why she continues to blog despite an increasingly hectic schedule.
• Honour the Child :: Compassionate Advocacy in the Classroom — Lori at Beneath the Rowan Tree shares her experience of being a gentle and compassionate parent — with other people's children — as a classroom volunteer in her daughter's senior kindergarten room.
• Inspired by the Great Divide (and Hoping to Inspire) — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis shares her thoughts on navigating the "great divide" through gently teaching and being teachable.
• Introverted Advocacy — CatholicMommy at Working to be Worthy shares how she advocates for gentle parenting, even though she is about as introverted as one can be.
• The Three R's of Effective and Gentle Advocacy — Ana at Pandamoly explains how "The Three R's" can yield consistent results and endless inspiration to those in need of some change.
• Passionate and Compassionate: How do We do It? — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares the importance of understanding your motivation for advocacy.
• Sharing the love — Isil at Smiling Like Sunshine talks about how she shares the love and spreads the word.
• What Frank Said — Nada at miniMOMist has a good friend named Frank. She uses his famous saying to demonstrate how much natural parenting has benefited her and her family.
• Baby Sling Carriers Make Great Compassionate Advocacy Tools — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey shared her babywearing knowledge — and her sling — with a new mom.
• Everyday Superheroes — Who needs Superman when we have a community of compassionate advocates?! Dionna at Code Name: Mama believes that our community of gentle bloggers are the true superheroes.
• Words of advice: compassionately advocating for my parenting choices — MrsH at Fleeting Moments waits to give advice until she's been asked, resulting in fewer advocacy moments but very high responsiveness from parents all over the spectrum of parenting approaches.
• Peaceful Parenting — Peaceful parenting shows at Living Peacefully with Children with an atypical comment from a stranger.
• Speaking for birth — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud soul-searches about how she can advocate for natural birth without causing offense.
• Gentle is as Gentle Does — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares how she is gently advocating her parenting style.
• Walking on Air — Rachael at The Variegated Life wants you to know that she has no idea what she's doing — and it's a gift.
• Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama shares her thoughts on being a compassionate advocate of natural parenting as a blogger.
• At Peace With the World — Megan at Ichigo Means Strawberry talks about being an advocate for peaceful parenting at 10,000 feet.
• Putting a public face on "holistic" — Being public about her convictions is a must for Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama, but it takes some delicacy.
• Just Be; Just Do. — Amy at Anktangle believes strongly about her parenting methods, and also that the way to get people to take notice is to simply live her life and parent the best she knows how.
• One Parent at a Time... — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment believes that advocating for Natural Parenting is best accomplished by walking the walk.
• Self-compassion — We're great at caring for and supporting others —from our kiddos to other mamas — but Lisa at Gems of Delight shares a post about treating ourselves with that same sense of compassion.
• Using Montessori Principles to Advocate Natural Parenting — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells how she uses Montessori principles to be a compassionate advocate for natural parenting.
• Advocacy? Me? — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers that by "just doing her thing," she may be advocating for natural parenting.
• Feeding by Example — Mama Mo at Attached at the Nip shares her experience of being the first one of her generation to parent.
• Compassionate Consumerism — Erica at ChildOrganics encourages her children to be compassionate consumers and discusses the benefits of buying local and fair trade products.
• The Importance of Advocating Compassionately — Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood acts as a compassionate advocate by sharing information with many in the hopes of reaching a few.
• Some Thoughts on Gentle Discipline — Darcel at The Mahogany Way shares her thoughts and some tips on Gentle Discipline.
• Compassionate Advocacy: Sharing Resources, Spreading the Love — Terri at Child of the Nature Isle shares how her passion for making natural choices in pregnancy, birth, and parenting have supported others in Dominica and beyond.
• A journey to compassion and connection — Jessica at Instead of Institutions shares her journey from know-it-all to authentic advocacy.
• Advocacy Through Openness, Respect, and Understanding — Melissa at The New Mommy Files describes her view on belief, and how it has shaped the way she advocates for gentle parenting choices.
• Why I'm not an advocate for Natural Parenting — Mrs Green at Little Green Blog delivers the shocking news that, after 10 years of being a mum, she is NOT an advocate for natural parenting!
• Natural Love Creates Natural Happiness — A picture is worth a thousand words, but how about a smile, or a giggle, or a gaze? Jessica at Cloth Diapering Mama’s kids are extremely social and their natural happiness is very obvious.
• Carnival of Natural Parenting: Compassionate Advocacy — Even in the progressive SF Bay Area, Lily at Witch Mom finds she must defend some of her parenting choices.
• A Tale of Four Milky Mamas — In this post The ArtsyMama shares how she has found ways to repay her childhood friend for the gift of milk.
• don't tell me what to do — Pecky at benny and bex demonstrates compassionate advocacy through leading by example.