Cosmetic Alterations and Children

No, this post is not about circumcision though that certainly falls under this category. What I want to talk about is actually ear piercing; more specifically ear piercing and infants/children. This topic was brought to my attention recently while at a local mall and I noticed a store offering to pierce children’s ears, including babies. In the store at the time was a woman who was getting her infant’s ears pierced and the baby was hysterically crying throughout the procedure and my heart broke into a million pieces. I then began to question whether I would ever put my future daughter through the same experience for the sake of beauty. This is my reasoning for my inevitable decision against it.

Being a tattoo and piercing enthusiast, I am definitely able to understand the attraction to body modifications for the sake of beauty. I take much pleasure in altering my own body to suit my fashion sense and appeal to my vanity, however it is a decision I came to myself which is my first qualm with infant piercing. Being an advocate for personal choice and bodily integrity, any cosmetic procedure done without the consent of the individual feels like a violation of that person’s right to choose what is done to their body. Though ear piercing seems relatively harmless when compared to genital mutilation like circumcision, it is still a cosmetic alteration that has its risks. When a person consciously chooses to have something done to their body for whatever reason, they are exercising their power over their appearance and that is their right. When someone else makes that decision for them, especially with the absence of medical need, it suddenly becomes questionable.

The real question is then: why is it so important that our daughters have their ears pierced so young? I think that apart from simply being adorable with cute little earrings (our own personal appeal to vanity), this may stem from wanting to give them the option of forgetting the pain that is involved in the process. This is often cited the most when women are asked why they prefer having had their ears pierced as infants. This apparent fear of pain is prevalent in our culture; just take a look at our maternity care system that is foremost concerned about avoiding experiencing pain in childbirth, despite its important part in the process (or the risks and consequences involved in using medical pain relief). So why are women so afraid of experiencing pain? This goes beyond the scope of this post but it does demands further exploration.

I personally feel that body piercings (or tattoos!) are a rite of passage. The glory is in withstanding the pain for the fabulous outcome. When you take away the process from girls, you take away the chance for them to feel empowered from going through with it and the responsibility of taking care of their piercing afterwards. When I was young I was terrified of needles, to the point that I would almost have panic attacks even entering a Doctor’s office but I overcame my fear by choosing to have my ears and nose pierced as a young teen. I was scared at first of the pain, but afterwards the feeling of exhilaration from having done it was amazing. Since choosing to go through with that, I have overcome my fear of needles and of pain respectively; seeing it as being temporary and with purpose. This lesson helped me immensely with coping with the 36 hours of intense back labour with my son. I also learned to appreciate my piercings because of the responsibility of taking care of them through the healing process. I learned about avoiding infections through personal hygiene, and taking care of my earrings to prevent bacterial growth as well. It was more of a learning experience than simply growing up with having my ears pierced already. I don’t want to cheat my daughters of that opportunity either.

The idea of overcoming pain is something that can only be empowering for someone who is cognitively capable of coping with it however. Infants have yet to develop the ability to rationalize their experiences which excludes them from this group completely. From their understanding, the person that they trusted to keep them safe and comfortable is allowing them to be injured for a reason they are not yet able to comprehend. On a side note, this is why we have personally chosen to delay vaccinations because the psychological effects of being given shots before they are capable of grasping the reason why it is done does not balance with the supposed benefits of vaccinating, but that’s just my personal opinion. Despite not remembering the pain consciously, more and more studies are finding a correlation between early experiences and subconscious behaviours as well as adverse physiological manifestations. This makes me question the supposed belief that they ‘forget’ the entire experience.

Another possible source for the push for early piercing is perhaps due to the fear of them possibly feeling excluded from their peers later. I can recall feeling somewhat wistful for not being able to wear those tacky plastic earrings like my friends growing up, however it was able to use clip-ons instead which have the same effect essentially. Clip-ons also have the added bonus of being easy to make with the proper supplies, a great idea for a creative craft to do with children. This idea appeals to me more than indulging in consumerism and buying cheap jewellery at a store. It also builds confidence inchildren’s abilities and offers them the chance to take charge of their appearance by creating ornaments based on their interests. Being somewhat artsy-fartsy, the idea of crafting my own jewellery actually excites me more than finding a cute pair of earrings at the mall whose price is inflated way beyond its actual worth anyways.

All this being said though, I don’t begrudge the mothers who choose to pierce their children’s earrings very young either. Though I personally believe in respecting a person’s choice about making decisions about their body (like with circumcising), not everyone feels this strongly about this like I do and that is their choice and the lot for their children to deal with. In the end ear piercing at any age looks awesome but I personally feel that it should be up to the individual to choose to go through with it.

How do you feel about infant ear piercing?

Fabulous Family Update: 11 Months

Leo has had a huge jump in terms of development these last couple months, changing from a frustrated baby to an active one with a new set of skills! A month shy of being one on top of that!

Gross Motor Skills:

Now having mastered crawling, he has decided to give walking a go, improving his balance with baby squats and dancing. He walks for short distances, usually while carrying a toy but still crawls mostly for speed right now. After he walks a little, he’ll sit down and clap for himself with pride for his accomplishment. He also climbs on chairs, toys, beds, couches – pretty much everything right now. He has no fear which makes me nervous so I have to watch him carefully because he still falls over fairly often. Goose eggs don’t faze him for very long though. He’s figured out how to throw balls too so that’s his new favourite activity. He’ll grab one of the many balls we have rolling around and show it to me saying “Baw! Baw!” which is him trying to say ball. Then he’ll either throw it to me or roll it, or even put it into a mesh basket like basketball. Sometimes he’ll just walk/crawl around the house with a ball like a pet. He’s also into cars, enjoying rolling them on the carpet or all over me for that matter.

Small Motor Skills:

He’s a pro now at pinching things or people. He doesn’t pinch us generally unless we’re not paying attention to him. He likes to pinch the back of my knees when I try and do the dishes. He can pick up the tiniest bits off the floor and eat them too. He also can tear apart Kleenex and toilet paper, making it a must for me to keep the bathroom door closed. He left me a nice pile of ripped paper in the bathtub not long ago. He can also twist off bottle caps, open sippy cups, open/close Tupperware, and fiddle with all kinds of buttons. A few weeks ago at a birthday party we went to, he managed to turn on the stereo there and scare himself shitless with music on full volume. It doesn’t take him long to figure out how to open something. He’ll watch us closely and try to do it himself. He’s almost able to take apart door knob locks so I’ve taken them all down because they’re useless. He tries to open doors too, understanding how they work but can’t always twist them effectively. He turns lights on and off too, which is a great game when Daddy is in the shower!

Feeding:

Leo now feeds himself most of the time. He’s getting more accurate at getting food in his mouth although he still waves his spoon around like a sword when he’s excited, getting food on everyone. He likes using utensils to eat and play. He’ll go as far as refusing to eat unless I let him feed himself. It’s only when he’s fed up practicing that I can shovel some food in his mouth and he’s contented letting me. He also drinks out of different cups effectively. He can drink out of sippy cups, cups with straws, or even open cups though he still can’t control the speed and usually ends up spluttering. He’s fascinated by bottles though, since it’s a novelty. He just likes to chew on the nipple mostly. Though he eats lots of solids, he still nurses frequently but for shorter sessions. His new thing to do is nurse enough to have the milk let down then he unlatches and squeezes the boobie so that milk shoots out everywhere. He’s gotten himself in the eyes a few times doing this! He plays a lot while nursing which can be annoying so I usually have to end the session to prevent him from goofing around too much.

Communication:

He babbles a lot, having conversations with both people and objects. Sometimes it sounds like he says words but it’s really just playing with different sounds. The few things he does say are: “mama”, “dada”, and “baw”. He also goes: “uh,oh!” and “woah!”. Sometimes he tries to repeat the rhythm of words we say but nothing consistent yet. He likes it when we say:”p.u stinky feet!” when he bends down and smells our toes. He sings to himself too while he plays which is real cute. He goes:”ah!” when he points at things and wants us to label them. He is fascinated by lights and fans right now, pointing at them wherever we go. When he’s upset at me he will grumble, telling me off pretty much.

Emotional Intelligence:

He has a wide range of emotions. Lately he’s been giving people the death stare: furrowing his brows, pouting his lips and tilting his head forwards. It’s the most hilarious thing ever! I can’t seem to catch it on camera because he smiles whenever I bring it out. I call it his evil super-villain look. He does it to strangers especially but usually cracks a smile right after when they look at him in surprise. Leo is also an empathic child, crying when others cry and mimicking other facial expressions. He’s very sensitive to scolding especially, usually making a sad pouty face and crying like his heart is broken. His feelings are easily hurt by negative tones of voice or being re-directed when he’s playing with something dangerous. When sad he crumples down onto the floor in a heap and cries into the carpet until I pick him up and talk soothingly to him.

He is still very affectionate, giving hugs and kisses abundantly. He loves to grab my face and kiss me with his mouth open wide. He laughs while doing this because I say:”Gooey kisses! I love your gooey kisses!” He also laughs when we kiss his neck because he’s ticklish. He especially loves getting kisses from Daddy with his scratchy beard. Lately he’s been getting really sad when Daddy leaves the house for any reason, going to the glass door and looking outside crying. When he sees him coming back he gets all excited and yells happily and then lifts his arms to be picked up by Daddy as he comes back in. When Daddy left for a couple days recently to go camping, Leo wandered the house checking every room for him throughout the day then crying when he couldn’t find him. It’s going to be hard on him when Daddy leaves with work for a few months.

Social Development:

He also becomes sad when other babies hit him or take his toy, turning to me and starting to pout and cry. The strange thing is, if he is being hit, he will sit there and take it rather than try to get away. He won’t hit back but won’t stop it either. He’s my little pacifist. He generally likes other children, playing alongside them, often trying to give them kisses. He tries to engage them sometimes, offering toys or going up to them and poking them in the eye. There were times though when I was babysitting other children that he would get jealous and cling to me, frowning at them. If I’m holding another baby he would cling to my leg and cry pleadingly like I was replacing him, the poor thing. These times usually call for lots of cuddles and baby-wearing. I can’t baby-wear him as often anymore because he is getting too heavy for me, hurting my back and hips. Luckily he LOVES the stroller and often asks to go for a walk in that instead. He laughs during the ride, like it’s the most fun thing in the world.  Lately he’s taken notice of the birds coming back and gets excited when he sees them during our strolls.

Growth and Elimination Needs:

Leo wears 12-18 clothing now with some shirts already being too small because they can’t fit over his ginormous head. He’s also got wide shoulders and a long torso so some of the 12-18 month clothing he can’t wear already because of his build. He dislikes getting dressed very much. He much prefers being butt naked but then he pees on everything. With summer here I can indulge him more often and let him go au naturel. I want to introduce the potty to him soon anyways so it’s a good time. We use cloth diapers during the day for the most part now and disposables only at night or if we are out. He notices when he pees/poos more in cloth which is a good step to re-learning to listen to his body’s elimination needs. He doesn’t like to sit on the cold potty so I have to either get a soft seat cover for it or get something completely different for him to eliminate in. Right now he just likes putting toys in his potty which isn’t getting us anywhere.

He’s learning at such a fast pace, sometimes it’s hard for me to accept that he isn’t a little baby anymore. He’s becoming more and more independent, getting into everything, trying to do everything for himself. He expresses his preferences for different things and I try to offer him choices and respect them as much as I can. Though his explorations are often messy or inconvenient, I try to ignore my clean-freak aspect and let him be curious about things. The last thing I want to be is a mom who is more concerned about how clean he is or my house is for that matter, rather than focus on what he is learning. This is difficult for me because messes make me anxious but its a lesson in personal growth. He tries to help me clean up too, so that makes it easier to bear sometimes. It makes me sad sometimes thinking about how quickly he is growing up but I am also so proud of the little gentleman he is becoming.   

Mom Wars – Guilt, Grief, and Healing

One of the most annoying subjects to come across in parenting/birthing communities is the concept of the ‘mom wars’. This is essentially a virtual battle raging about parenting choices where women feel targeted for their experiences and lash out at one another. Whether it is breastfeeding mothers vs formula feeding mothers, attachment parents vs CIO parents, or what-have-you, the crux of the matter is that everyone is doing it wrong and should be ashamed of themselves. Well actually the problem is not that we are judging one another ruthlessly, but that we are essentially at war with ourselves and aren’t even aware of it.

The main argument thrown around is that women should not be made to feel guilty for their choices, since all decisions are based on what is best for each individual’s family. There are those on either side that insist that they are right while the ‘lets-all-get-along’ crowd is stressing out because they just want everyone to be friends and play nicely.

The idea that some elusive ‘someone’ is making everyone feel guilty really baffles me. I have made some interesting choices so far in my parenting journey but I have yet to come across anyone who has purposely set out to make me feel bad about those decisions. Typically, those that criticised my choices where simply trying to inform me based on their own beliefs and understanding of a particular subject. That being said, if I would feel guilty when confronted with my choice, it is because the guilt was already there to begin with. I know this because when approached with a different opinion, I don’t generally feel attacked unless I already have doubts about my stance on the topic. I can’t rightfully argue a point that I haven’t thought completely through myself. So if a woman feels guilty when others share their experiences, it is because they themselves intuitively feel that something is ‘off’ about theirs. It is an internal signal that something isn’t right and needs to be addressed.

Being sensitive about a subject is a clear indication that there are some unresolved issues surrounding that experience that need to be dealt with. Often the ‘guilty’ feeling is actually other emotions in disguise like anguish, anger, betrayal, disappointment, etc. The problem is that the mourning process is still incomplete and the emotions surrounding the experiences have yet to be properly processed. When such feelings are repressed, they can resurface when someone breaches the subject and then we subconsciously implement coping mechanisms to deal with this influx of raw emotions. This can manifest as feeling targeted by others for example, when they are simply sharing information. Essentially we are choosing to feel judged as a way to avoid the real issue and diverting that emotional energy to attacking those who dare criticise us.

Think back about an instance where you may have noticed a woman lashing out at others about the manner of birth or the ability to breastfeed (as they are often the sensitive subjects in question). The anger directed at defending their experience as being ‘safer’ or ‘essential’ is often rooted far deeper than the perceived insult by the opposing party. There is a hidden hurt there than demands to be acknowledged. These women are in pain and cannot face it because they are repeatedly told that ‘having a healthy baby’ is more important than the emotional repercussions of unwanted outcomes. This ‘guilt’ (read rage, confusion, disappointment) is hard to bear and the mind demands that the experience be transformed into something more bearable to deal with. With physical health often being touted as being more important than mental health, it is no wonder that so many women feel disvalued about their experiences and seek to hide the truth behind them from others and themselves especially.

After the traumatic birth of my son, for many months afterwards I could not bring myself to even think about the birth as it was too painful for me emotionally. I went as far as deleting birth groups off of my facebook because seeing the posts about the wonders of natural homebirthing was a slap in the face. I was angry about what happened to me and actually felt animosity towards others who had better experiences than me. It was irrational but my negative repressed feelings were so strong that I couldn’t think straight. I then went through the typical stages of grief: first I was in shock about everything and pretended that everything was okay and didn’t let myself think about it; then I went into denial by trying to convince myself and others that my experience was necessary and for the best; then I allowed myself to question those assumptions and became angry at myself and those present during my birth for allowing it to happen the way it did; this led to my anguish over the whole ordeal after finally accepting the truth that it could have been different had I known better; and now I find myself forgiving the people involved and especially myself for the outcome, owning up to it, accepting it, and especially learning from it. It took me eleven months to go through this process. Each individual has their own pace, whether it is a few weeks, months, or even years; but healing IS possible and can actually turn into a positive for other people.

My birth experience and the process I have undergone to heal from it has given me the fuel to continue advocating for alternative choices in maternal care because I don’t want others to have to go through what I did. This is why I share information on a daily basis about subjects like natural birth, homebirth, breastfeeding, intactivism, and positive parenting choices. I know firsthand just how difficult it is to accept new information about a sensitive subject but it is infinitely worth it to push past the hurt and seek to heal from it. I made the choice to stop feeling targeted by people sharing information on subjects that were sore to me after acknowledging the hidden hurt behind it.

So the way to end these so-called ‘mom wars’ is not by launching a campaign against ‘judgy moms’ necessarily, but instead turning our attention to helping each other actively heal from those experiences that cause us grief and bringing to light those emotions that are often swept under the rug. We need to acknowledge our individual experiences and feelings for what they really are: learning experiences. We do not need to be at war with each other or ourselves anymore.

Sunday Surf May 15

This week’s topic: Discipline

The Consequences of "Consequences"

“Pretending that the consequences are the child's free choice — that he has chosen the punishment — is incredibly dishonest. It becomes a way to blame the child, even as he is being punished: "Well, you chose to play in the puddle, so now you have to suffer the consequences and clean everyone's shoes." Added to the anger and resentment he may feel about being punished is a confused sense of guilt that he's somehow brought this on himself. In his heart, though, he knows he was meeting the implicit expectations of the adults in his life.”

I am not raising obedient children…

“…nor do I want to. Not that I would rather have disobedient kids, but actually…that’s closer to the truth. What? (You say.) What crazy parent would want this? To me, the word “obedient” has such a negative connotation when used in reference to raising children; it literally means to obey.”

Bullying Prevention Begins At Home With Mindful Parenting

Studies show, however, that children raised by authoritarian parents – parents who are demanding, directive and unresponsive – are the most prone to act out bullying behavior, while children raised by nurturing, warm, responsive parents were less likely to bully. (University of Cincinnati, 2008, August 5).

Do Sticker Charts Work for Crimes of Passion?

I'm not a big fan of sticker charts because research shows they "externalize the locus of control."  To us parents, this just means that praise and rewards train children to look outside themselves for approval, instead of to their own authentic sense of what feels right.

How do you hold a child responsible for his behavior without punishment like time outs?

When kids are emotionally healthy, happy and feel strongly connected to us, they're much more likely to be cooperative.  So the most important way to prevent "bad behavior" is 20 minutes of special solo time connecting with each child daily, and safe opportunities for kids to express emotions (With play when you can, tears when you have to.)

I Hate Being Controlled

What happens when I try to control my children, dictating their every move and barking out orders that I expect to be obeyed unquestioningly?  What about when I constantly criticize their moves at every learning opportunity and tell them the better way to behave?  When I tell them what they’re going to do and how they’re going to do it when, frankly, it doesn’t matter how it’s done or really even matter if it’s done right then?  Like me, they begin to feel inferior, insecure, incapable, unaccepted, unvalued, unappreciated, depressed, anxious, desperate to control anything that they can. 

Part1: Rewards, Incentives, Consequences, and Punishments (Oh, My!)

For parents endeavoring in positive discipline, we choose incentives over bribes and rewards, and natural and logical consequences over punishments.  They are more effective than their counterparts in helping a child learn, as the parent-child relationship is not devalued, and they help a child develop intrinsic motivation.

Crisp: Time to end corporal punishment

All spanking shares several characteristics: it always involves the expression of authority of one person over another, it always inflicts pain, and the vast majority of the time it is administered in anger, or at least frustration. Essentially, it's always one person hitting another.

My Not-So-Green Thumb

Welcome to the May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Growing in the Outdoors
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared how they encourage their children to connect with nature and dig in the dirt. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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As I look out to my yard with its dried grass, empty flower beds, and pile of unused bricks I feel a little lost as to what I am supposed to do to make it more appealing. I have always admired the wonders of nature but growing up in large cities has left me with few skills to garden with. Oddly enough my mother has a green thumb and enjoys growing her own teas and the like now, but we have never had a own garden growing up for me to really learn about tending the earth. I also don’t like getting my hands dirty so I haven’t really been proactive now on that end either. I want to instill a love of natural things in my son but I have little interest myself to learn to garden. I enjoy the result of a well-tended yard but don’t particularly enjoy doing the tending. Hence the predicament.

Since I am completely useless when it comes to growing in the outdoors, I try to find ways to connect with nature differently. So far I have done so by taking walks in local parks while picking up natural bits to bring into my home to use for crafts and decorations. I also visit local gardens and admire the handiwork of others. Eventually I would like to bring my son to local farms to show him how others work with the land to produce our food and cultivate the plants we buy. I have a particular interest in seeing how honey is gathered, how apples are cultivated and how maple syrup is made. I want him to see firsthand how things are done rather than limit it to images in books. I am curious as to how things are done, since in school I rarely got to see them because field trips were mostly to museums where there are no living things generally. I want my son to know more about these things than I do.  

It is embarrassing really how little I know about where our food comes from. I am so removed from it all that it all seems almost fantastical. When I think of fresh food, I think of the grocery store with all the fruits and veggies waiting for me to buy. I rarely link it to where the food actually originates from and this is sad. What does a papaya tree look like anyways? I have no freaking clue. I want something more for my son and this will require for me to branch out and be curious about all this and explore it with him. This may even motivate me enough to ask some friends to teach me how to garden so that I can learn first-hand what my ancestors did so easily.

I want him to have the ability to really grasp how things are grown and to learn to tend to them lovingly so he can really appreciate all the wonderful blessings we have in our lives.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Get Out! — Momma Jorje gives reasons she doesn't think she gets outside enough and asks for your suggestions on making time for the outdoors.
• How Does Your Garden Grow? — The ArtsyMama shares her love of nature photography.
• We Go Outside — Amy at Peace 4 Parents describes her family's simple, experiential approach to encouraging appreciation of nature.
• My Not-So-Green Thumb — Wolfmother confesses to her lack of gardening skills but expresses hope in learning alongside her son at Fabulous Mama Chronicles.
• Enjoying Outdoors — Isil at Smiling like Sunshine describes how her children enjoy the nature.
• Five Ideas to Encourage the Reluctant Junior Gardener — For the rare little ones who don't like to get their hands dirty, Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers tips for encouraging an early love of dirt (despite the mess).
• Connecting to Nature — Mamapoekie shares how growing your own vegetable patch connects your child to nature and urges them to not take anything for granted.
• The Farmer's Market Classroom — Jenn at Monkey Butt Junction shares how the Farmer's Market has become her son's classroom.
• Seeds — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment's hubby Ken shares his perspective on why gardening with their kiddos is so important . . . and enjoyable!
• Toddlers in the Garden — Laura at A Pug in the Kitchen shares her excitement as she continues to introduce her toddler and new baby to the joys of fresh veggies, straight from the garden.
• Nature's Weave — MJ at Wander Wonder Discover explains how nature weaves its way into our lives naturally, magnetically, experientially, and spiritually.
• Becoming Green — Kristina at Hey Red celebrates and nurtures her daughter's blossoming love of the outdoors.
• Little Gardener — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis looks forward to introducing her baby girl to gardening and exploring home grown foods for the first time.
• Cultivating Abundance — You can never be poor if you have a garden! Lucy at Dreaming Aloud reflects on what she cultivates in her garden . . . and finds it's a lot more than seeds!
• Growing in the Outdoors: Plants and People — Luschka at Diary of a First Child reflects on how she is growing while teaching her daughter to appreciate nature, the origins of food, and the many benefits of eating home-grown.
• How Not to Grow — Anna at Wild Parenting discusses why growing vegetables fills her with fear.
• Growing in the Outdoors — Lily at Witch Mom Blog talks about how connecting to the natural world is a matter of theology for her family and the ways that they do it.
• A Garden Made of Straw — Kelly at Becoming Crunchy shares tips on making a straw bale garden.
• The Tradition of Gardening — Carrie at Love Notes Mama reflects on the gifts that come with the tradition of gardening.
• Gardening Smells Like Home — Bethy at Bounce Me to the Moon hopes that her son will associate home grown food and lovely flowers with home.
• The New Normal — Patti at Jazzy Mama writes about how she hopes that growing vegetables in a big city will become totally normal for her children's generation.
• Outside, With You — Amy at Anktangle writes a letter to her son, a snapshot of a moment in the garden together.
• Farmer Boy — Abbie at Farmer's Daughter shares how her son Joshua helps to grow and raise their family's food.
• Growing Kids in the Garden — Lisa at Granola Catholic shares easy ways to get your kids involved in the garden.
• Growing Food Without a Garden — Don't have a garden? "You can still grow food!" says Mrs Green of Little Green Blog. Whatever the size of your plot, she shows you how.
• Growing Things — Liz at Garden Variety Mama shares her reasons for gardening with her kids, even though she has no idea what she's doing.
• Moments — UK Mummy Blogger explains how the great outdoors provides a backdrop for her family to reconnect.
• Condo Kid Turns Composter and Plastic Police — Jessica from Cloth Diapering Mama has discovered that her young son is a true earth lover despite living in a condo with no land to call their own.
• Gardening with Baby — Sheila at A Gift Universe shows us how her garden and her son are growing.
• Why to Choose Your Local Farmer's Market — Naturally Nena shares why she believes it's important to teach our children the value of local farmers.
• Unfolding into Nature — At Crunchy-Chewy Mama, Jessica Claire shares her desire to cultivate a reverence for nature through gardening, buying local food, and just looking out the window.
• Urban Gardening With Kids — Lauren at Hobo Mama shares her strategies for city gardening with little helpers — without a yard but with a whole lot of enthusiasm.
• Mama Doesn't Garden — Laura at Our Messy Messy Life is glad her husband is there to instill the joys of gardening in their children, while all she has to do is sit back and eat homegrown tomato sandwiches.
• Why We Make this Organic Garden Grow — Brenna at Almost All The Truth shares her reasons for gardening with her three small children.
• 5 Ways to Help Your Baby Develop a Love of the Natural World — Charise at I Thought I Knew Mama believes it's never too early to foster a love of the natural world in your little one.
• April Showers Bring May PRODUCE — Erika at NaMammaSte discusses her plans for raising a little gardener.
• Growing Outside — Seonaid at The Practical Dilettante discovers how to get her kids outside after weeks of spring rain.
• Eating Healthier — Chante at My Natural Motherhood Journey talks about how she learns to eat healthier and encourages her children to do the same.
• The Beauty of Earth and Heavens — Inspired by Charlotte Mason, Erica at ChildOrganics discovers nature in her own front yard.
• Seeing the Garden Through the Weeds — Amanda at Let's Take the Metro talks about the challenges of gardening with two small children.
• Creating a Living Playhouse: Our Bean Teepee! — Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares how her family creates a living playhouse "bean teepee" and includes tips of how to involve kids in gardening projects.
• Grooming a Tree-Hugger: Introducing the Outdoors — Ana at Pandamoly shares some of her planned strategies for making this spring and summer memorable and productive for her pre-toddler in the Outdoors.
• Sowing Seeds of Life and Love — Suzannah at ShoutLaughLove celebrates the simple joys of baby chicks, community gardening, and a semi-charmed country life.
• Experiencing Nature and Growing Plants Outdoors Without a Garden — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now shares some of her favorite ways her family discovered to fully experience nature wherever they lived.
• Garden Day — Melissa at The New Mommy Files is thankful to be part of community of families, some of whom can even garden!
• Teaching Garden Ettiquette to the Locusts — Tashmica from Mother Flippin' (guest posting at Natural Parents Network) allows her children to ravage her garden every year in the hopes of teaching them a greater lesson about how to treat the world.
• Why I Play with Worms. — Megan of Megadoula, Megamom and Megatired shares why growing a garden and raising her children go hand in hand.

The War on Honey: Fearing Infant Botulism

The other day I nearly gave my friend a heart attack when I (unassumingly) shared some of my son’s oatmeal with her son during a playdate containing some honey. Since I have been giving my son honey since he started showing interest in solids at seven months, I took it for granted that some parents are not comfortable with using this magic food with their own babies until they are well past their first year. I personally believe that the fear of using honey has grown out of proportion to its actual risks because of media hype, but it’s up to each parent to decide what they are comfortable with and I can respect that choice too. I thought I would at least share some of the reasons why I believe honey isn’t as dangerous as most people believe and offer some of the benefits that swayed me to its usage with my son.

To start, I LOVE honey. I have an ongoing love affair with this product; adding it to pretty much everything I eat myself. That and peanut butter are my staples, which is why I researched well into their risks and benefits before subjecting my son to them because I would die if I had to live without them if I accidentally caused an allergic reaction. To my relief, he has not reacted negatively to either and actually loves both products as much as I do. However I digress.

So how dangerous is honey really? That is the question.

Botulism is a serious but relatively rare disease to begin with, with only 27 cases of it confirmed from 1979 -2006 in Canada; two of which found in Alberta (Source). The majority of the cases are found in the States, mostly around California due to the more frequent spores found in the soil there, though only 10 percent of store-bought samples of honey contained the C.botulinum. Also, less than 5 percent of infant botulism patients contracted the disease from the honey, as researches have concluded that most have simply inhaled the spores from microscopic dust particles. (Source) (Source) This makes us relatively safe here in Canada, with the ability to reduce our chances even more by simply avoiding buying California produced honey. However, even if diagnosed with botulism, the infant fatality rate is less than 2 percent anyways, with a usual full recovery in most cases with proper treatment. These figures tell me that the chances of my son getting it are slim to none, and if even by chance that he does (and I am well versed in the signs just in case), our hospitals have the means to treat it effectively.

Another great way to naturally prevent botulism is by having a vaginal birth and breastfeeding, as botulism spores are unable to grow in more mature intestines because of the beneficial bacteria present (Source)– bacteria that moms pass onto their young through their birth canal and as immunities through their breastmilk. By the time babies are about six month old, their natural defences prevent the germination and growth of Clostridium botulinum to take hold, making the warning to avoid for the entire first year somewhat overkill anyways. (Source) I exclusively breastfed my son until he showed readiness for solids and we introduced healthy foods according to his abilities, abiding by the recommendations for introducing ‘allergy-prone’ foods naturally by following his lead. I trusted the immunities in my breastmilk to protect him from the majority of illnesses and so far this trust has not been misplaced.

The interesting thing is, spores can be found in a variety of foods anyways (Source) (Source) , and so sometimes parents who believe themselves to be vigilant on attempting to prevent botulism are still subjecting their babies to the 'risk' whether they feed them honey or not. A recent case in the United Kingdom was traced to C botulinum spores in powdered infant formula, and in a single instance in Canada not associated with illness, C botulinum spores were identified in an infant cereal. (Source) This tells me that there is far more risk in simply serving processed foods to our babies than giving them a dollop of honey with their oatmeal.

All this aside, honey is actually quite awesome. Not only is it delicious, it has many medicinal benefits. It contains sugars like glucose and fructose and minerals like magnesium, potassium, calcium, sodium chlorine, sulphur, iron and phosphate. It contains vitamins B1, B2, C, B6, B5 and B3 and several different kinds of hormones as well. It is an antiseptic, antioxidant and has cleansing properties. It fights infection and aids in tissue healing and correcting health disorders. It reduces inflammation and scarring and treats digestive problems such as diarrhea, indigestion, stomach ulcers and gastroenteritis. It helps with bad breath, athlete foot, hair loss, sleep disorder, arthritis, acne, and yeast infections. It also makes a great lotion for dry skin and is great as a hair conditioner. It essentially strengthens the immune system while providing awesome taste too!

The minimal risk of botulism just wasn’t enough to deter me from feeding it to my son because of all the medicinal benefits it offers. I rarely follow trends ‘just in case’ and would rather practice moderation instead. I am comfortable taking the ‘risk’ because I feel that I have done all that I can to boost his immune system through breastfeeding and eating wholesome foods regularly. It’s deliciousness was also a winning attribute too!

How do you feel about feeding honey to your children? What lead you to that decision?

Healing from Birth: Another Small Step

Today I attended a wonderful presentation in Edmonton by Dr. Michael Klein titled Childbirth: Research Matters. His presentation covered many important topics such as the deconstruction of flawed research and its impact of maternal care, comparing the quality of care based on various birth attendant types, and the safety of homebirth; but the topic that most affected me was that of the affects of epidurals and the flawed research that supports it. This has brought up some difficult feelings for me from my son’s birth that have finally found a place to rest.

I am still feeling the emotional aftermath of our birth experience, but have been trying to heal from it in order to prepare for future births. Despite my best efforts, I still have residual negative feelings about it, mostly because I had some unanswered questions about the WHY things happened the way they did. Neither my physician, chiropractor, or physical therapist could give me any tangible answers as to why I ended up with an instrumental birth. Not surprising though, as they do not specialise in birth matters anyways but I still needed to perhaps be pointed in the right direction. The OB who ‘delivered’ my son did not do follow ups with the mothers after birthing and so getting answers from someone who is supposed to know what is going on was not going to happen for me either. So I tried to answer it for myself but my limited knowledge about birth has left me empty-handed.

Today, I finally got some answers.

I knew that having an epidural would affect my birth, and so I had vehemently planned against any form of drug relief but I was essentially convinced of taking it while still vulnerable with terrible back labour and have since then had to deal with the ramifications. I intuitively felt that it played a large part in how my birth ended up but that was too difficult for me to face at the time and I convinced myself (and tried to convince others), that it was absolutely necessary for me. In hindsight, things are not looking so good on that decision. After hearing Dr. Klein explain how epidurals influence birth, along with other lovely birthing kernels of wisdom, I now realise just how much it messed up Leo’s birth.

When I arrived at the hospital, I was at about 8-9 cm dilated but had been in labour already for about 36 or so hours. I thought something was wrong but the nurses assured me that everything was fine and that my baby would be born soon. After another ten hours of no progress, I was at my limit emotionally and was practically begging for someone to kill me already. This is when I was finally convinced to take the epidural after denying it repeatedly throughout my labour at the hospital. Apparently no one could take my response seriously and just kept offering it, like some sort of Holy Grail. Well it did end up being the Holy Grail (because the pain relief was amazing!), but like all mythical gifts, there is usually a sacrifice to be had: and that was having a natural birth and all that it implies. Interventions snowballed from there: an I.V, catheter, EFM, vacuum extracting, and finally an episiotomy and forceps. Not exactly my ideal birth. My body was so damaged from this that it took over two months to heal properly and the emotional scars are still sore this day.

What I learned today was that I essentially accepted an epidural when I was in transition after having ‘failure to progress’ for many hours (which I now believe is due to not feeling safe since stress hormones impede birth) and instead of empowering me and offering me help in birthing naturally, I was instead given the easy way out. I recall how I tried for hours with no success to try and birth in various positions (purple pushing of course because of that stupid epidural) but was eventually directed to get on my back and accept an instrumental birth. I don’t remember being given different positions to birth in other than hands and knees, sideways, or on my back from the nurses, though I did try and think up ones myself but thinking wasn’t exactly my strong point while in labour. My mother and husband tried their best to soothe me, but couldn’t help me on that end either. I also had to ASK for a bar to be put over the bed for me to grasp while trying to labour on hands and knees, as it was not willingly offered, though it bloody well should be (as they promised they would in their hospital tour among other things). Anyways, the thing is that I was not properly supported which is a failure on behalf of the entire maternity care system since many of their practices are not even evidence based apparently, as I have recently had confirmed.

The only ‘complications’ I had were essentially failure to progress and back labour. That is it. Even when I had that EFM strapped on, my son’s heartbeat did not accelerate or anything, he was as happy as a clam. He even came out pink and cheery when they finally fished him out of me. I still think that perhaps my bum hip (which is tight on one side) might have had an impact but I am not yet sure on that end and so I will be asking for xrays at my next apt to scope out what the deal is with that. I truly believe now that had I listened to my body while I was still at home labouring and that instead of transferring had attempted to contact women in my community who were Doulas or just birth-smart, I would not have needed to go through what I did. Fear got the better of me and now I regret it wholeheartedly. But it is what it is, and now that I have finally figure it out, perhaps I can move on from it.

Accepting the difficult truth that perhaps the way my birth played out was not all that necessary, and that had I the right supports (like any available midwife in my area!), is one more step to healing and perhaps even having my ideal births in the future.