Guest Post - Martine Cadieux - We're Going To Be Okay

***Please welcome a guest post by my resilient cousin Martine who shares her very raw and inspiring journey as a single mother dealing with intense circumstances***

***

The human body does not take well to stress. It makes us lose our hair, gives us headaches, makes us lose sleep, screws up our menstrual cycles, our digestive system; makes our muscles, bones and joints hurt, turns us into emotional puddles of goop, makes us want to do unhealthy things such as smoking, drinking, or binge eating, etc. Stress is almost like a poison.
It can also affect our children. As we all know, children can "feel" our stress despite our best efforts to hide it. Even when they are in the womb, you may have noticed that depending on how you feel, your baby reacts and moves around in reaction to that. Stress on a baby in utero is very dangerous, and stress on our children outside of the womb can also create havoc. So how are we supposed to remain fully functional as moms and prevent our kids from suffering from OUR stress? By taking care of ourselves first.

"We're gonna be okay"…

…I said this out loud and thought it many, many times a day. It was a promise I had made and intended on keeping. I found every way possible to reduce my stress while not trying to make it feel like it was a chore. I surrounded myself with positive people, ate good, had relaxing baths, sang to my daughter in my womb, talked to her, closed my eyes and envisioned a better place…

When I was 6(ish) months pregnant, my daughter's father and I got in a heated argument which escalated into a horrible situation, where we found ourselves on a train track overpass where he had threatened to jump into oncoming vehicles while I was on the other side, watching and crying hysterically. I clearly remember wanting to distract him from the situation and so desperate and scared, I grabbed a piece of glass and began cutting my wrists just enough to get blood, by which I had intended on proving to him that he wasn't the only one who was hurting. Perhaps seeing me hurt myself would distract him enough from wanting to jump. I never had the chance to show him, seeing as the cops showed up and took me away and dealt with the situation instead. I am shocked to this day that I didn't miscarry right there and then. I'm also shocked that the stress didn't cause any pregnancy complications either. Despite all this, my daughter was born only 2 days late, beautiful and healthy.

However when my daughter was one and a half years old, we moved in with a “family member" to help her out and also upgrade from a small apartment to a bigger 3 bedroom. Merely weeks after moving in, this person who I considered family, who assisted in my daughter's birth, took a mentally unstable turn for the worst. Normal conversations were few and far between as she no longer made any sense. She even became scary. The stress this put on me was intense. I couldn't sleep well, I was paranoid, I was scared, I felt nauseous all the time, I had constant headaches and my body and my stomach hurt constantly. My daughter became irritable, and even more so around this person. After only a few weeks of being there, I made the decision of moving out, yet again. The month that followed that decision was excruciating. Finding a suitable place to live when you’re a single mom on Welfare is hard. And during that time, this person was living elsewhere because she had threatened me and I became literally scared for my wellbeing as well as my child’s. And remember, this was somebody I had once trusted completely.

The first step I took was forgiving myself for causing my child (and myself) so much stress and then I chose the path of healing. I surrounded myself with support and told myself every day the reasons why I was doing what I was doing. I had to put MYSELF FIRST. Although when you’re a mom, that doesn't always happen easily. Stress affects everybody differently and everybody deals with stress in different ways. I was blessed with a daughter who somehow helped me find the strength within myself by reflecting her own. So I started copying her. I distracted myself, I focused on the problem at hand, I sought comfort when I needed it and I let myself cry when I needed to. I became so in tune with my body and mind that to everybody else’s shock and surprise I rose above the situation and did what I had to do without once letting myself hit rock bottom.

You can't avoid stress, but you can learn how to deal with it. Remember that your child may feel it but he doesn't have to suffer from it. The worst YOU get, the more it affects your child. Be mentally and physically aware and deal with things as they come, one day at a time. Distract yourself, allow yourself time to relax and really connect with your child and no matter the age, tell them and yourself at the same time: "WE ARE GOING TO BE OKAY". It's a powerful affirmation that goes a long way. Positive thinking goes a long way.

**Martine Cadieux is your average full time single-mom. She believes in positive parenting, healthy eating, 100% juices instead of cocktails, and being in tune with her own mind to be able to better connect with her daughter. She enjoys getting down on the floor to her daughter's level to play, sing and make funny faces in public to make her laugh, and has a fail proof night time routine. She lets her gut and her daughter lead her to being the best mother possible, and leans on the support and of family and friends to help get her there. **