This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting. As August is Breastfeeding awareness month, our participants are writing about this exact subject! Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.
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In an earlier post I spoke about beginning the journey
towards Gently
Weaning My Son by setting down some necessary boundaries in our nursing
relationship. Those regulations around breastfeeding helped me considerably
with allowing my son to slowly transition off the breast in his own time, and
slowly but surely, our sessions grew fewer and longer in between. However they
did not cease altogether and with the onset of pregnancy-caused sensitivity, it
became more and more distressing for me to nurse him at all.
Any kind of refusal of nursing him, no matter how empathic
to his needs I was trying to be, was met with a strong negative reaction that
frustrated me. I felt that he was being inconsiderate of my also valid needs
and that he wasn’t being appreciative of the times I was allowing him to still
nurse despite the discomfort. I knew on a rational level that he was
emotionally incapable of grasping the scope of my discomfort or delaying his
needs like an adult could, but the negative feelings towards my son kept
increasing as he would insist on nursing when I was just not capable of dealing
with it anymore. After a few failed attempts at gently weaning him by replacing
his need for comfort via the breast with other tools that had helped us in the
past like using cuddles, massage, and distraction, I finally decided that I
needed to be both honest with myself and with him and to end our nursing
journey directly.
I reflected long about how I would approach this, as I knew
that it would be a big change in our lives that would require patience but also
determination, and settled on just going with the truth and trusting that my
son was capable of understanding me. I chose to aim for a two week sudden
transition time, with the first week preparing him for the upcoming change, and
then another week of probably hell as he adjusted and realised that it was
happening for real. The approach that I took was after deciding that I would be
open to tandem nursing once this babe was finally born and that I even had milk
to give him (as the discomfort was mostly coming from having to dry nurse him
now) and began cutting our random nursing sessions very short from only a few
minutes to only a few seconds, enough for a couple fruitless sucks. As he would
unlatch I would quietly tell him that the milk is gone for now but more will
come once the baby is born and so now we just have to wait. After about a week
of this, my son stopped fussing when I took him off, repeating back to me what
I had been telling him and not making a big deal of it. He was still upset if I
denied him outright to nurse though, but was easier to soothe after reminding
him why it was uncomfortable for me and that he was a big boy and could wait
till the baby was born.
The following week I stopped nursing him at all, denying him
outright and being firm with him, even when he became upset and just allowed
him to express that anger/frustration/sadness with me. It was stressful for the
both of us, but it was also relieving to know that we were making progress,
because the lengths of his outbursts were decreasing steadily.
Now I am happy to say, that at 26 months, my son is
(although probably temporarily) weaned and has not developed any compensating
habits like using his thumb to suck on, attaching emotionally to objects, or
other questionable behaviours that could indicate that he was still unready for
the transition. If anything he has developed a strong affection for me and my
growing belly, often talking to and stroking both my belly and my boobs from
time to time, saying how much he loves my milk and the little baby inside of
me. He has also made a jump in independence, stating that he is a big boy now
like Daddy and that big boys can wait till the baby is born to have mommy milk
again. Meanwhile he is okay with having cow’s milk once in a while instead (now
that he doesn’t react to it anymore, hurray!). He has also begun nursing his
toys on himself, telling them that the milk will come in later for them, once
his baby is born of course!
Funnily he sneak attacked me one day while I got out of the
shower and quickly latched on while I was towelling off, and couldn’t seem to
do it properly and just laughed it off and ran away. It does make me wonder if
he will even be able to tandem nurse when the time comes.....but we’ll deal
with that when we get there!!
***
Visit The Positive Parenting Connection and Authentic Parenting to find out how you can participate in the next Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:- Parenting Myth Busted: They Never Stop Breastfeeding - Laura at Authentic Parenting shares how her 4 year old effectively weans herself.
- 7 Tips for Breastfeeding In Public Stress Free - From baby wearing to using a scarf, Ariadne of Positive Parenting Connection is sharing many helpful tips on how to breastfeed in public stress free.
- Breastfeeding has been Downhill - Jorje of Momma Jorje compares her nursing experiences and finds... it hasn't gotten easier with time and experience.
- A Heartfelt Tip for the Nursing Mamas - Margaux from Young Nesters gives her biggest piece of advice for all present and future breastfeeding Mamas.
- Breastfeeding Carnival - Billy at Single Mother By Choice writes about the past, present and future of nursing her daughter.
- Amy W. at Me, Mothering and Making it All Work describes why she loves to advocate for and help nurture breastfeeding relationships.
- To My Nursling - Stone Age Parent dedicates a breastfeeding poem to her child.
- My 3 ½ Year Old Breastfeeds As Much As A Newborn – And That Is Fine By Me - Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama
- Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival of Breastfeeding: Our Sorta Sudden Gentle Weaning - Wolfmother Chronicles
- How to breastfeed while babywearing in a men tai - Lauren at Hobo Mama offers a video tutorial for easy, hands-free nursing on the go in a mei tai (Asian-style) baby carrier.
- Rhianna from The Other Baby Book shares a post crediting breastfeeding with nurturing a connection not only with her son, but also with her breasts and her body's empowering ability to do its thing.
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