Children and Negative Parental Comments

Prompted by a post by another blogger, I am also bothered by the negative comments parents make about their children while in their presence and feel that more consciousness needs to be developed around how words impact others. 

What I am referring to are those exasperated comments like “he is such a brat”, “she’s over dramatic”, “they’re driving me crazy”, “I’m glad school’s started again so I can get away from them”; to entire stories about how a certain child misbehaved and how much it frustrated them. We all have thoughts along those lines at some point when we feel that our own boundaries have been pressed and our patience stretched however expressing it in the presence of our children is where the problem lies.  

These types of comments usually stem from some degree of frustration on our part, which we are certainly entitled to, however there is a time and a place to vent about the struggles of parenthood but it is not appropriate to do so around the very children themselves. This should be obvious. It directly impacts how they form an understanding about themselves, just like we do when we overhear mean gossip about us or even positive compliments. Children are no different. It really is a form of emotional manipulation/abuse to try and shame an overhearing child into certain behaviour by using spiteful comments. It is hurtful, demeaning, and petty. Not exactly qualities most parents want to be attributed with. 

Children are people with the same emotional needs that we have, but this seems to be often overlooked or directly dismissed by some adults with little understanding about human nature. Despite what some believe, children don’t ‘get over it’, they actually internalise it and build their sense of self around it. Even our tone of voice expresses disdain, disapproval, dislike, etc, and even babies pick up on this. It is why when infants are distressed the typical advice given is for caregivers to adopt a calming presence so they learn that everything is okay and are soothed. It works the other way around too. This problem is not age-restricted. This sort of negative feedback affects children just as powerfully as it affects us adults, though we may be better at hiding it publicly.     

Refusing to really take notice of how it really impacts them is denial at its fullest. It is hard to accept that what we say is actually being processed when it may seem like we are being ignored most of the time but just because a person does not react in the way that is expected does not mean they did not acknowledge that internally.

So take heed: let us watch our words and keep our mama drama for our friends online or in a private space that is away from those impressionable children that could be hurt by it. It is just common decency.