Gentle Advocacy

A recent cyber bullying incident instigated by a renown blogger in the natural birth and parenting community has me reflecting strongly on the importance of gentle advocacy when interacting with others. Though my disappointment is palpable due to the extent of their hostility towards those who only encouraged maintaining a safe environment to seek non-critical support in, I realise that bringing attention to this person directly is counter-productive. So instead I would like to focus on promoting positive changes around activism by highlighting the importance of compassionate communication. 

Being an activist myself within the blogosphere and in my daily living, I have come across ineffective advocacy occasionally by well-meaning people who unfortunately push their personal agenda unnecessarily and even unkindly at times, when sharing information with others online or in person. Having gone through the process myself, I can understand the difficulty in restraining oneself when passionate about a particular subject. However it is essential that in order to exact positive changes within our communities we must first cultivate empathy, acceptance, and authenticity when networking. There is definitely a learning curve to this approach but the positive results are worth the effort.

Usually the underlying intention when sharing knowledge is altruistic but this can easily be obscured if we fail to take into account the very real and valid feelings of the intended target and meeting them where they are in their lives. People are generally not receptive to those who push knowledge and opinions down their throat, no matter if the information can be transformative in some way. A person who feels condemned for their choices or life circumstances rather than emotionally supported will become defensive and moreover, hurt, if we lack in empathy while interacting with them. Facts may be neutral, but people are not. We all have our own experiences that shape our thoughts, our emotions, and our choices. We are all at different stages in our lives; having to deal with different circumstances and issues. The one thing we do have in common is the need for amity and genuine support. Parenthood is challenging in itself, and can be even more isolating when our community passes judgement on our efforts instead of offering encouragement.

Really, not all situations call for unsolicited advice and we must weigh these encounters carefully. Most of us know the aggravation that accompanies when relatives do just that and how it undermines our life choices for our families. It is no different when friends or even strangers do the same when we are not even seeking that information particularly – or are even capable of being receptive to it at the time. We must ask ourselves then if getting involved will genuinely do any good and be genuinely helpful, or if the time is not ripe for yielding positive results. It is much more effective within a relationship to give the impression that when they are ready and willing, we are a safe person to discuss the topic with. Until then, it may be more beneficial to simply offer sympathy for their situation and allow them to diffuse their emotions in a secure environment. Otherwise we are frankly just insisting on pushing an agenda to make ourselves feel good rather than be genuinely supportive and helpful. The defensiveness and hostility that often results then prevents any learning to occur and are left with negative feelings unnecessarily.

The proverb "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" applies strongly in regards to any kind of advocacy. When approached in a positive and compassionate manner, communication lines remain open and people are then receptive to new information. If perceived as being genuinely caring and considerate, defenses lessen and profound conversations can then occur. Simply living our truths within our own families and teaching through example is more than effective enough in the meantime.  

Many others have written about this topic and offer excellent things to consider when interacting with others effectively. I have compiled a list of them here for perusal to encourage personal growth in this area for those interested in becoming gentle advocates for their causes.

The Three R's of Effective and Gentle Advocacy by Pandamoly

Compassionate Advocacy by Code Name: Mama

Compassionate Advocacy by Authentic Parenting

Non-Judgment  by Consensual Living

10 Tips to Communicate Respectfully by Code Name:Mama

Passionate and Compassionate…How do We do It? by Becoming Crunchy

Kind Matters by love Notes Mama

Saying "I'm Right and You're Wrong" Seldom Does Much To Improve Your Cause by Loving Almost Every moment

A Little Light Conversation by Touchstonez

Agree to Disagree Online and Remain Respectful by boobie Time

Compelling without Repelling by Hobo Mama

Natural Parenting: Advocacy by Example by monkey Butt Junction

I Am the Change by Let's Take the Metro

Struggling with Advocacy by McApril

The Importance of Advocating Compassionately by My Semi-Crunchy Life

Being Gracious with Parenting Advice by My World Edenwild

Explain, Smile, Escape by Anktangle

Assuming Positive Intent by Consensual Living

How to Respond Respectfully to Unwanted Parenting Advice and Judgment by NPN

Accentuate the Positive by Fine and Fair

The Thing You Don't Know by Becoming Crunchy

Peacefully Keeping My Cool by Pandamoly

Nonviolent Communication and Unconditional Love by Nigh Needs Attachment

I will not hide behind my persona by Attached at the Boob

Parenting with my head, my heart, and my gut by I Thought I Knew Mama

Compassionately advocating for my parenting choices by Fleeting Moments

Just Be; Just Do. by Anktangle

Formula Feeders and Bottle Users Welcome by Hobo Mama

Mama Bashing by Dreaming Aloud

Empathy and respect by Zen mummy

Not the Average Attachment Parent? Me either.

Beyond Breasts and Bottles

Hiding in my Grace Cave by Hobo Mama

Everyday Superheroes by Code Name: Mama

Parenting as a mirror by Kate Wicker